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@HEARDinLONDON #blog

Who Are You?

Updated: May 23

Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 51




I've been noticing a lot lately how we define ourselves by how much we do. And alongside this, I've also been noticing how much we define ourselves by how much we have done. All of those things that stacked up like a little achievement pile of medals of our achievements equate to our value and our worth and they form our identity.


I've been trying to challenge this a little bit in myself and I wanted to pose you the same prospect so you can see if it is useful for you to play around with as well. And that's rather than asking myself what I have done, it's more interesting and playful and curious for me to ask myself "who could I be?" "What could be possible for me?"


I'm really aware of the stuff that I've done. I'm really aware of the choices that I've made to get me to particular places. I'm really aware of things along the way that have felt like obstacles that I've had to slalom around, and all of those things can become a very big story about why and how the bad stuff happened or I didn't get to that particular place or I haven't done this thing and I'm tired of that story. It's exhausting and I feel like I managed to let go of a huge bulk of it several years ago when I started this coaching work, which is why I trained in it in the first place because I'd spent years trying to let go of it. And this is the work that enabled me to do that. But with sort of each iteration, each new class that I do, each workshop that I go to, each time I sit down and do the work myself with the books that I read on this stuff, I try and just peel back one more layer of where am I holding my identity to be my sad story of the past. Rather than writing myself a joyful story of a future.


And so this idea of "who could I be?" suddenly opens up so many possibilities of potential and growth and playfulness and joy. I think quite often when we look back on our how we got here story, there is not often, very much joy that is in there. Even though we might have been having quite a nice time, I think that the bad times almost stand out to us more, our brains are sort of focusing on those more so we don't repeat any danger that might have come up in the past.


And I don't want to be scanning my future for danger. What I want to be doing is making sure that I'm not already exhausted by the time that any danger might arrive in my life.


I want to be trying to fill my life with as much joy and curiosity and playfulness as I can, so that when those obstacles and the difficulties do arise, then I'm really well-resourced and I'm really it's so funny. It sounds like we use it as a colloquial insult, but so I'm so full of myself, and I mean that in a really pure way. Like, I know who I am when these obstacles arise, and so I can take myself and carry myself through these things in a way that aligns with my values and a way that aligns with the life that I want to be living.


So this is my invitation to you this week. If you would like to dabble in it as well. Who could you be? Not rather than what you've done.


If you want to let me know where this question has taken you, do drop me an email. I'd love to hear it.

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