And are these values you possess?
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It seems so simple when we break it down - but it is quite likely that all the things you really love about your chosen family are things you are quite good at yourself.
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Maybe they are reliable or fun, compassionate or loyal or adventurous or centre rest. Â Maybe they are quick to start and quicker to notice who is not being included. Â Maybe they are not going to bother you after 8pm, but when they say yes to you, they know you really mean it.
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What are the qualities your friendship group has? Â Chances are, if you did not resonate with some of these qualities yourself, you would not get along. Â It is fairly likely the things you hold dear about those around you are also traits you have honed in yourself.
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From here, we can quite quickly deduce your values list: the barometer of what is important in your life and to your soul.
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I love identifying my core values list because it makes decision-making so much simpler. Â If something which comes up does not align with one of my core values, I am no longer going to prioritise it.
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Some of my core values are integrity, compassion, joy, ease and love. Â If someone asks me to do something and it does not align with any of these things, I need to check in with myself what my motivation for saying yes would be. Â Is it because I do not want to disappoint someone else? Â Is it because I do not want to deal with my own emotions if I think I have let someone down? Â Am I telling myself I would rather I was inconvenienced than inconvenience them? Â It gets to the root of the issue at lightning speed.
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We can often be prone to putting our friends on aspirational pedestals as the kind of people we would like to be like. Â But the truth is that the combined strengths of you all as a crowd probably hold a lot more collective power and joy than any one individual. Â And as my circus roots tell me, each and every one of us plays a crucial role as a tent pole to keep the big top sailing high, and if any one of us were missing, the whole show would sag.
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You're as precious as those you love. Â And if you're in any doubt about this at all, maybe have a talk to some of your friends about how this theory resonates with them.
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As the old proverb goes, if you want to go faster, go solo, if you want to go further, go together. SelfCareSchool is a collective of many folk from many different walks of life, all learning and supporting each other.  It's an incredible group.  The doors are open for you to step inside.

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