Updated: Jul 23
"I’ve had my fair share."
"I shouldn’t take more than I already have."
"I think someone else deserves it more."
Any of that sound familiar?
I’ve been thinking a lot about how hard it is to ask for help when you need it most lately. My body has been unruly my whole life, but more so as an adult. I spent three years unable to walk, I have gone through various points in my life where my sight would just stop working and I’ve had spells where my arms hang loose by my sides for months at a time and I needed aides to help me do excruciating upheaval tasks such as opening a door. I know what it is like to feel like you’re tired of asking for help.
Sometimes I feel it is rooted in not wanted to be seen as victim. Wanting to tough it out and prove your independence and that you can make it on your own.
Most often I think it is about this fear that if you ask for support someone else will have less support. Like it is a help cake and you stole someone else’s slice. Time, support and compassion don’t divvy up that way, and yet we guilt our way into thinking we are doing someone else out of their fair share (whilst ignoring that tour plate is also empty). Maybe it is more difficult because if you have ever been overlooked then you have more empathy to try and make sure no one else feels like that. It is just curious this rarely extends to ourselves.
But I fear one of the most common reasons people who need support the most are hesitant to ask for it, is that we never know when we may need that help more – and we don’t want the goodwill pot to run dry. It can often feel like you have an allotted number of times you can reach out or ask for help or support before you become a burden, or heaven forbid, a nuisance.
I run my work on an if you can, if you can’t and if you need basis. It flies in the face of every business planning class I have ever done – and yet – it works. It works because I know that my making my work more accessible, more people who need it are able to have it in their lives. By offering photoshoots to anyone who needs them – and they can decide what price bracket they fall into, I suddenly open doors to people to be able to make choices based on their own circumstances and still have the good things in life. The magical extras that feel like indulgent treats and make us feel like self-care is indulgent rather than the oil that lubricates the wheel.
I am running a 4 week course in August on Perfectionism and Procrastination. It is about how we see ourselves, about where these ideas come from, how to challenge them, and how you can reclaim your space and thoughts. This course is available to anyone who wants or needs it. I do not believe in replicating structures which I do not believe make the world a more kind place. If you can pay, great, if you can’t the course is there for you to be able to explore what you wish to.
Sometimes we can feel like taking up space is snatching away an opportunity from someone else. I challenge you to be willing to stand in the space that is being offered to you, if you think you would benefit from workbooks, group coaching and an incredible community of people supporting each other.
Your space is there, should you wish to sign up.
I look forward to seeing you on the course.