Updated: Jul 6
Have you ever felt like no matter what you do, it's never enough? No matter how hard you try, you can't seem to shake that nagging voice in your head that tells you you're not good enough?
It is one of those insidious thoughts which thrives in darkness; so many of us think it yet because so few of us talk about it, and it grows and festers like our own personal shame. Yet as soon as some light is shed upon it, people, more often than not, greet it with recognition and empathy.
But if it is not just one of us walking around feeling like we're not good enough, it's worth asking the question, what good enough means? What kind of good are you aiming for? By whose standards? Who taught you that? Do you like and trust that person? Is it someone who likes and trusts you? What is enough? How would you measure it? How would you know? What would be different if you were good enough? When we interrogate these belief systems, they tend to crumble quickly—even ones we've held on to for a long time.
A good way to begin is to become aware of your self-talk. Stop and pay attention to the words which run through your mind on a daily basis. When you catch yourself engaging in thoughts that you don't like, write them down. This will help you become more aware of the patterns and give you a starting point for change. Once you become aware of your self-talk, it becomes more possible for you to challenge it. Ask yourself if that thought is actually true. Or if it's just a limiting belief. Try and find evidence to support a thought or evidence which disproves it. This will help you reframe your thinking. What else could be possible? Curiosity is your key.
Shame will always tell you that it's best to hide your dirty secrets away, so no one will have to see your weaknesses. It's a trick. It's like treating candida sugar. Shame thrives in solitude and feeds upon itself. When you bring it out to air, piece by piece, checking which parts are really your story and which parts are perhaps not serving you, then you can loosen their grip. And as you do so, there becomes more space to fill it with the possibility maybe, just maybe, we are all good enough, just as we are.