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@HEARDinLONDON #blog

What does people pleasing look like in your life?

Updated: Oct 19, 2023

Maybe you don't identify as a “people pleaser”. But as we are all socialised in a world which teaches us that our value comes from how selfless we are, there are going to be places this shows up in your life.

They might look something like:

💗 Making decisions based on what you think others will want rather than asking yourself what you want.

💗 Going out somewhere you really don't want to because you are worried that someone else will feel disappointed if you don't.

💗 You apologise for things which are not your fault ALL. THE. TIME.

If any of that sounds familiar, congratulations, you're human.

And also, it does not have to be this way.

I am sure when you do things like that, you tell yourself you are just being polite, or that it is a kind thing to do. You may well not think of this as people pleasing.

And the thing we miss when we tell ourselves this is that we are completely ignoring our own needs in this equation. And something is not kind or polite if it is completely ignoring someone. And often we are the someone.

So the reality is that you don't have to identify as a people pleaser to still be behaving in a way which does not always have your best interests at heart or your needs considered.

We're all still brewing in the same water.

But once we have noticed how this is playing out for us, we can begin to look at how we could INCLUDE our needs in our plans, rather than overlook them.

It is not about stopping being nice. It is about making sure we are nice to more people (and yes that includes you).

I think we can often hear people talking about being less of a people pleaser as becoming someone very hard and rigid with big spikey boundaries and no one is allowed their time anymore, and actually, what if it was more like working out ways to bring a bit more of the kindness home with you at the end of the day.

Pouring all of ourselves into other people is exhausting if we are not resourcing ourselves.


So if you want more of your energy, and more of yourself back, come and pull up a seat.


We'd all be so happy to see you taking better care of yourself.


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