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What I learnt from a thousand first dates

Updated: Dec 31, 2022

I have probably been on more first dates than you have had hot dinners.

I was single for over a decade and I learnt a lot – mostly about myself.

But it took me a long time of repeating the same mistakes before I eventually took notice of what was going wrong. And what was going wrong, quite literally, was not me.

I changed myself every which way I could to fit into what I thought would be desirable, or chosen. I turned up, sharpened up, dressed up, starved myself, presented, represented and reframed myself a thousand different ways in order to be the person someone wanted to be with. course they never did. I never heard it from any of them, but I suspect what they saw was a liquid version of a human willing to pour themselves into someone else in order to be liked. Sounds attractive, doesn't it?

People always used to tell me I would find someone when I stopped looking (useful folks, thanks). think what they meant was when I stopped trying so hard.

When I finally gave up and realised love probably wasn't going to find I realised love with something I was going to have to be for myself. And when I started behaving like that. Suddenly it was like a magnet.

Why? I hated this advice was it was so intangible. “Stop looking for the only thing you really want in life and it will find you.” Well, thanks Wizard of Oz. But I'm going to need a bit Oven instruction manual stopping.

I found that instruction manual with my coach. The work I did there was so transformative that I trained myself in this work. And this is now what I teach. If you are exhausted. Of looking for love in all the wrong places. I can teach you where to find it.

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