Nothing. Not a single thing.
It is something so many of us have been taught for a number of reasons:
💗 To be "nice"
💗 To be liked
💗 Because it makes us feel like we have purpose
And there is NOTHING WRONG with any of those things.
But… and there is a but…
They all rest on the idea that you have to DO things be nice, to be liked, to feel like you have a purpose. And what this really links back to on a basic level is “I need to do these things so I feel feel worthy.”. But what if you were already worthy?
I don't believe we have to prove ourselves. I believe that each person is worthy of love, care, safety and respect, just because they exist.
And you might think I am wrong. But how is that working out for you? Because I know when I was spending all my time people pleasing, it was never enough. I never did enough nice things. I never felt safe in being liked (spoiler: trying to get other people to like you when you don't like yourself is empty validation calories) and I certainly never felt like I was doing enough to call it a “purpose”.
If doing all of the things for everyone else is working out for you - seriously, I am so happy for you. But I hear a lot of people feeling lost, overwhelmed, and frankly a bit resentful that all their efforts are not being recognised.
This is why I wrote a while course on people pleasing. Because I want you to be able to exist and spend time working out what brings you joy and pleasure - not constantly trying to second guess what other people might think of you.
If you'd like more of your time, and more of yourself back, I'd love to see you inside.