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@HEARDinLONDON #blog

For the apology which never arrives

Updated: Feb 1

Waiting for an apology can be a frustrating and painful experience.


Especially when we know it is unlikely to arrive.


It can be hard to move on when you feel someone has wronged you and they haven't acknowledged it or taken responsibility for their actions. And boy oh boy is this made worse when that person is you.


If you're feeling stuck in this situation like this, here are a few questions to ask yourself:


· What are you hoping an apology will give you?

· What would that make you feel?

· Can you put that into a one-word emotion?

· Where is that emotion available to you now?


The reality is that often seeking an apology can look a lot like outsourcing our emotions to other people. And in this scenario, it often looks like outsourcing your emotions to someone who may not have been showing you the best amount of care.


When you make the conscious choice to define what forgiveness means for you and work out how to give that to yourself, you stop emptying your energy into someone else in the hope that they will act in a particular way. Talking control back over your own emotions loosens the grip of anger, resentment and blame, which can lurk around the edges of situations like this, and they are sneaky little shadows which never guide you towards your best self. They point out the faults of others and manipulate you into believing someone else can offer you liberty.


Forgiveness doesn't have to mean forgetting what happened, condoning another person's behaviour, or gaslighting yourself into a toxic tranquillity of an Instagram meme. It means letting go and choosing to move on with your life – whatever that looks like for you.


Remember, closure is not something that anyone else can give you. Ultimately, it's something you must find for yourself.


It's important to remember that healing is a personal journey, and it's okay to take your time. It's never easy to let go of hurt feelings, but it is a way to set yourself free. You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, and it's important to remember that running over old stories on a loop is the opposite of that. You have the keys and wisdom to everything you need. Grant yourself the space to get curious about what this might look like for you.






If you’d like to look deeper into this stuff, or you have an old story you really want to let go of; I have a week-long intensive on forgiveness and how to stop waiting for other people to change. www.selfcareschool.co.uk/courses/forgiveness-first-aid-kit



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