Back in the naughties, I was running a hugely successful business, I had seven staff, I was working all over the world, I brought in huge sums of money every week, and you know what I did? I lost it.
Not in your traditional sense of losing it, I did not gamble is away, or put it down somewhere. I made a fatal error I see so many good hearted well-intentioned people making - I did not put myself on the list. Whilst I was out there making sure everyone was doing really well and being very well looked after, I thought that doing the same for myself was selfish, that any money coming to me was money which was rightfully other people's and if I took any of it I was taking it away from them. I secretly thought that if I gave everything away and treated people exceptionally then people would like me. It wasn't a conscious choice of course. I just had a deep seated belief that I was unworthy. And I thought if I covered my tracks with enough good deeds then no one would find out. And deep underneath all of this busy and doing and generosity was a desperate attempt to try and control my circumstances to feel safe. And of course that was not sustainable. I had no reserves, so when the 2008 crash came and family tragedy struck I had no reserves. I was the opposite of safe.
I learnt the hard way that trying to make people like you does not pay your bills.
Which is one of reasons I have put so much of my heart and soul into creating a course on money which speaks to people who know they need it but struggle with having it when there are so many other people in need. And when it seems like the only people who have money are pretty greedy and heartless. The truth is if you think having money will make you one of the baddies, then you're likely to find money falling through your fingers whenever it arrives.
I wanted to be able to teach people all the things I had to learn the hard way but to make it easy. All the graft it took to transform my relationship with finance so I did not use it as a validation vending machine and began to neutralise my relationship with it. This has enabled me to do things like, pay my bills and just get on with the rest of my life. Rather than leaping to put out one fire only to notice the next one has sprung up.
If you'd love to just park your money worries this winter, so you can do more important things, like go for a walk in the woods, curl up with that book you have been meaning to start or plan a holiday next summer, join us on the Money Mindset course this November, and let's make the change.