How to Pause and Reset When You’re Spiralling
- HeardinLondon
- Feb 5
- 12 min read
Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 168
To this side of the screen today because the sunshine's being cute. This week I wanted to offer you a really gentle reframe of ways that you can interrupt yourself when you start to spiral. All of the stuff that I talk about is very much about the bigger learning and trying to get yourself on board and how you can interrupt some of the patterns that can be so embedded that they work against her sometimes.
And this episode, I would just like to offer you some things that might be useful for you for those moments where you haven't managed to avoid getting into that spiral And where you notice that things are going in a direction that have not got you results that you like in the past.
This is an example of some of the alternative things that you could say to yourself. Not all of these things are gonna work for you, but you could use this as a sort of starting place and then just explore what might be the thing that resonates for you.
And I wanna backtrack just a little bit and remind you that you don't need to believe every thought that you think. And that can seem like a really wild concept if you're used to believing everything that your brain tells you. And most of us are, most of us are brought up to believe that the things that pop into our head are the absolute truth and if anyone has a different opinion to that, we must really prove them wrong.
And I'm here to try and suggest that there might be times that you want to prove yourself wrong.
And we know that not everything that we think is true, because you can think a whole load of things that aren't true.
The truth is that a lot of the things that we think, the things that we believe, are things that were taught to us, and not all of those things are gonna be right because quite a lot of the stuff that we are taught, it's just stuff that other people were taught to believe, and we can filter some of that stuff out and just try and work out what really works for us.
And it isn't about gaslighting ourselves or trying to convince ourselves that what is true isn't true or any kind of toxic positivity. It's quite simply noticing what's going on for us and then deciding if we want to reframe that. It is about compassionate redirection.
So for example, a thought that a lot of people have, of a Monday morning might be, "I've got too much to do", or maybe it's on a Friday evening. "I have too much to do". Now when you notice that you are thinking that quite often what can happen is we spin off into listing all of the things that we need to do, all of the repercussions that might happen if we don't do the thing, and then we start getting quite stressed about all of the fallout if we don't achieve the things that we've told ourselves are absolute essentials right now.
Now, I'm not here to tell you that those things don't need to be done. You can go through that list and decide which ones are essential and which ones aren't.
However.
There are some reframes that might be useful for you, or additional thoughts that, that you can add into the mix. So rather than telling yourself "you shouldn't be feeling like this", or that "these things shouldn't happen", or that "you should have done them earlier", or "what will happen if you don't hand that assignment in".
You could, for example think, "well, of course I feel like this. There are a lot of things on this list". "Of course, I feel like this. I've been told that there are repercussions to me not handing them in". "Of course, I feel like this, this is the way that capitalism puts pressure on us to define our worth and our value according to our output."
Whatever works for you.
The key bit is in centering your needs as valid and appropriate responses. Of course, you feel like that that's the right response to something which your brain has registered as dangerous. And other gentle reframes that we could have around this, there are "I can do one thing at a time". "I don't have to fix it all today". "If I start now, I'm gonna be closer to getting the things done". " There could be a chance that this is possible". "I'm going to just begin." "I'm gonna start from where I am now."
All of these reframes, I hope you can see, just take things down a peg or two. They just take things through to feeling like there's a possibility that things don't have to be awful, and that's basically where we wanna get to with everything.
It's not about trying to convince ourselves that everything's gonna be rainbows and daisies the whole time.
It's about just trying to take more of a calm level so you can then make decisions according to what you want and what you need.
So when you have these thoughts come up that tell you that everything that you're doing is wrong or that it's all awful, just pause. Take a beat, take a breath, and try and interrupt it with something that is just a little bit more neutral.
And maybe you wanna chat back to it. Maybe it's like, "Hey Thought, I see you. But not today, dude". Maybe it is like, "oh, I see you trying to protect me, but we are not going down that road today". Or, "oh, that's just a thought that I'm having. I notice I have other thoughts available to me too." What pattern of interruption works for you?
So there are four questions that I think are really useful, as a interruption guide if you like.
And these four questions are:
what might be more helpful right now?
Asking yourself that reminds yourself that you're in the driver's seat, that you can control what goes on in your own brain, even when it feels like you are constantly in responsive reflex mode. What might be more helpful here?
Question number two:
What would I say to someone that I love?
I know that we have often heard this phrase of "treat yourself like your best friend". Well, actually it's useful and do it. It's a really common phrase for a reason. What would you say to someone that you love? And if you can't quite get there, because it all feels like you really do have to do these things and these thoughts feel too heavy, maybe try a reframe on it of what would feel 10% better? What would feel 10% more kind here?
And my favourite, favorite, pause, reframe, expanding it out is:
What else could be possible? What else could be possible here?
This is how I interrupt my own thoughts. This is how I very rarely spiral off into dismay and doom and gloom, and I just find it really a useful tool.
I haven't always been like this. This is not an innate genetic capacity that I have that I was born with, to step out of the cycle of getting over dramatic about the tiniest possible things. 'cause believe me, I was exceedingly good at that. And actually, God, it's so relieving not to be in that place, just to be able to stop and go, "I don't like the way that this feeling or this direction is taking me. I'm going to notice what's going on and I'm gonna choose something different".
This is a really powerful tool set.
So I hope that this is useful for you and in every glorious way. I wish you sunshine. I wish you warmth, and I wish you gentle brain interrupts for those moments where it all feels too much.
Reach out if you'd like more support. I'll speak to you next week.
Interrupting Negative Spirals: Gentle Self-Talk Strategies for a Calmer Mind
If you’re someone who often finds your thoughts spiralling, especially when life turns up the pressure, you’re far from alone. The podcast “Spam Filter for Your Brain” with HeardinLondon offers some powerful, low-pressure mind management tools for just those moments. Today, we’re diving deep into relatable, practical reframes you can gently weave into your own inner dialogue to interrupt anxiety spirals, stress loops, or that overwhelming sense of “too much to do.”
Challenging Your Thoughts: You Don’t Need to Believe Everything You Think
One of the core messages HeardinLondon shares is the transformative power of not believing every thought you think. If you’ve spent your life trusting your brain implicitly, letting go of this can be a gamechanger. Here’s a gentle reminder: many of our beliefs are hand-me-downs from family, school, or social conditioning—not fundamental truths. If you, like many, struggle with persistent negative self-talk or anxiety about work or relationships, questioning the source and legitimacy of those thoughts is a crucial first step in managing overwhelm.
For example, perhaps your brain tells you, “I’ve got too much to do and I’ll never get it all done.” Rather than simply absorbing that belief, you can reframe. HeardinLondon offers a light-hearted example—believing the chair you’re sitting on is made of custard. Clearly, it isn’t, and yet that thought popped into her head, just like so many unfounded worries do for us all. This is a lovely nudge to filter out unhelpful thoughts, and start welcoming a more realistic, compassionate narrative.
Self-Compassion Over Toxic Positivity
It’s tempting to force yourself into thinking everything is fine, but as HeardinLondon reminds us, this isn’t about gaslighting ourselves or adopting “toxic positivity.” Instead, it’s about gently noticing what’s true for us, then deciding if and how we’d like to reframe it.
When you feel the mounting anxiety of a burgeoning task list—whether it’s Monday morning or Friday afternoon—the natural reaction is to spiral into imagining the dire consequences of unfinished work. Rather than giving in to panic or berating yourself for poor time management, try offering yourself a new perspective: “Of course, I feel like this. There’s a lot on my plate.” Maybe you’ll add, “Of course, I feel like this. I’ve been told there are serious repercussions for not finishing these tasks,” or even, “This pressure to measure my worth by my output is exactly what capitalism teaches us.” These reframes provide validation and context, rather than shutting down your feelings.
Validating Your Experience (And Interrupting the Spiral)
At the heart of these reframes is the fundamental belief that your experience is valid—your reactions make sense given your circumstances. When your mind goes on high alert, it’s just trying to protect you. The gentle interruptions HeardinLondon recommends centre your needs and offer you space to slow down.
Here are some of the thought interruption strategies suggested:
Start where you are: “I can do one thing at a time. I don’t have to fix it all today.”
Create possibility: “If I start now, I’ll be closer to finishing. There’s a chance this is possible. I’m just going to begin.”
Choose calm neutrality: Seek thoughts that feel neutral—even slightly less catastrophic. It’s not about magical thinking, but finding possibilities rather than doom.
Even the act of noticing your thoughts and saying, “That’s just a thought—I have other options available,” can be really effective. For others, a playful counter like, “Not today, dude!” helps break the tension and self-criticism cycle.
Four Gentle Questions to Interrupt the Spiral
For those looking to install new habits of compassionate self-talk, HiLy offers a toolkit of four questions—a kind of mental spam filter you can call upon when the brain gets noisy.
What might be more helpful right now? This redirects focus from chaos to agency, reminding you that you have some control over your own thoughts—even if your emotions feel overwhelming.
What would I say to someone I love? So often, we reserve our compassion for others, criticising ourselves more harshly than we’d dream of doing to friends. Use your own loving wisdom.
What would feel just 10% better or kinder? Don’t aim for perfect happiness; sometimes a small shift is all you need.
What else could be possible here? This open-ended query encourages new perspectives, nudging your mind out of rigid anxiety patterns.
Building Self-Kindness Into Your Daily Routine
Developing these reframes and learning to interrupt your own unhelpful thought spirals is a practice—a skill to hone over time. HiLy is reassuringly honest: “I haven’t always been like this…believe me, I was exceedingly good at getting overdramatic about even the tiniest things.” If you’re prone to anxiety, negative self-talk, or catastrophising, this gentle approach to reframing thoughts is not just for “naturally calm” people.
Instead, these are practical, trauma-informed, and sustainable self-soothing skills you can build and strengthen. Whether you’re looking for ways to stop overthinking, handle emotional overwhelm at work, or learn mindful self-compassion techniques, these strategies offer a way to turn down the volume on your inner critic and reclaim agency over your mindset.
Final Thoughts: Gentle Self-Interruptions for a Gentler Life
If you’re ready to stop spiralling and start supporting yourself from the inside out, try weaving some of these “spam filter” questions and reframes into your daily routine. The next time your mind starts spiralling—about work, relationships, or just general overwhelm—pause, take a gentle breath, and offer yourself one neutral, compassionate thought. It’s not about achieving perfect peace, but about taking things down a notch and opening up possibilities for something better.
If you’re looking for even gentler ways to pause negative thoughts, cultivate self-soothing habits, and create realistic mind management tools, tune in to “Spam Filter for Your Brain”—or reach out to HeardinLondon for further support.
Wishing you sunshine, warmth, and every gentle brain interruption when life feels like a bit too much.
Why shouldn't I believe every thought I think?
Do not believe every thought because your brain produces all sorts of ideas—some true, some not. Many are influenced by past conditioning, not reality. Noticing and challenging them lets you reclaim agency over your beliefs and responses.
As HiLy humorously says: “I could think right now that my chair is made of custard. It’s not.” Just because you think something, doesn’t make it true. You can use this awareness to interrupt unhelpful stories and return to self-kindness.
What are some gentle reframes I can use when I'm overwhelmed?
Gentle reframes include:
“Of course I feel like this—there’s a lot on my plate.”
“I can do one thing at a time.”
“If I start now, I’ll be closer to done.”
“I don’t have to fix it all today.”
These options, suggested by HeardinLondon, take the pressure off and replace rigid “shoulds” with understanding and incremental progress.
How can I treat myself more compassionately in tough moments?
Pause and ask: What would I say to someone I love if they felt this way? Then, offer those words to yourself. Replace harsh self-criticism with warmth and compassion to disrupt negative spirals and build emotional resilience.
HeardinLondon notes, “Treat yourself like your best friend. It’s a really common phrase for a reason.” Practicing this habit creates new, gentler neural pathways over time.
What daily actions help me break free of negative thinking cycles?
Pause and notice: When you detect a spiral starting, stop and take a breath.
Reframe: Try saying, “That’s just a thought I’m having. Other thoughts are available to me.”
Choose neutrality or kindness: Pick a response that’s gentler or more neutral.
Redirect: Ask, “What else could be possible here?”
Practice self-compassion: Regularly check what you’d say to a friend, and offer it to yourself.
When should I challenge my own beliefs or thoughts?
Challenge your thoughts when they make you feel bad, seem absolute, or don't serve your well-being. If a belief causes distress or repeated difficulty, consider whether it’s inherited or learned, and experiment with a kinder alternative.
HeardinLondon emphasises, “A lot of the things we believe are things that were taught to us. Not all of those things are going to be right.” Filtering beliefs helps you craft a healthier mindset.
How do I actually practice reframing in the moment?
Notice your thought.
Pause and take a breath.
Gently validate your feeling (“Of course I feel this way”).
Offer an alternative (“I can start where I am” or “I don’t have to do it all right now”).
Repeat as needed—practice gradually builds this habit.
Over time, these small shifts stack up to produce emotional relief and greater self-mastery.
What are HeardinLondon's four questions for interrupting spirals?
What might be more helpful right now?
What would I say to someone I love?
What would feel 10% better or kinder?
What else could be possible here?
These questions guide you away from default negativity and towards curiosity, compassion, and growth.
How can I use humour or lightness to challenge my thoughts?
When you spot an especially ridiculous thought (“My chair is made of custard”), acknowledge its absurdity with humour. This lightness helps you step back from rigidity and see unhelpful patterns with less judgment—making space for new, helpful perspectives.
What if reframing feels fake or forced?
That’s normal! At first, new thoughts might not “feel true.” Think of them as experiments or new habits, not instant solutions. Consistent practice shifts your default inner dialogue over time, especially when you choose reframes that are honest but just a little more neutral or compassionate.
Are these tools meant to deny my feelings or reality?
No, reframing is not about gaslighting yourself or denying real problems. It’s about noticing how your brain’s automatic thinking can make things worse, then choosing responses that serve your well-being and open up possibilities instead of keeping you stuck.
What are some key quotes from this episode?
“You don’t need to believe every thought that you think.” –
HeardinLondon
“Not all of those [beliefs] are going to be right.” –
HeardinLondon
“It's not about trying to convince ourselves that everything's going to be rainbows and daisies.” –
HeardinLondon
“Pause, take a beat, take a breath and try and interrupt it with something that is just a little bit more neutral.” –
HeardinLondon
“What would I say to someone that I love?” –
HeardinLondon
“This is not an innate genetic capacity... This is a really powerful tool set.” –
HeardinLondon
“I notice I have other thoughts available to me too.” –
HeardinLondon
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