Saying goodbye is hard.
But in the words of an author who is beloved to me, Cheryl Strayed “Sometimes you need to be willing to break your own heart to be true to yourself.”
I’ve loved running MessagesINeverSentYou. I’ve loved the project that it is. I’ve loved the space that’s offered people. And I know there is a space for this needed in the world.
And I also know that I am no longer the person to hold the space for it.
It has always come from an open-hearted, open-armed desire to hold space for the words that people needed. It was a website that I needed and didn’t exist when I created it. And now there are many iterations of different versions of things that people can share their thoughts anonymously with the world. And not have to face the repercussions of doing so.
There are beautiful messages here. There are heartbreaking messages here. Love affirming, life affirming. This site has provided opportunities for people to express themselves in a way where there was no other safe place for them to offer these words to. I hope that I’ve held them with the care and the honour that you bestowed upon me.
And also.
I have had to edit letters to remove names. I have prevented scandals. I have intervened between people using this website to communicate their affairs. I have seen heartbreak and destruction. Being typed out and told in messages that have been left here. And, lately, there have been more messages of pain than of healing. It has been a place where people. Seem to be breaking themselves open wide so that they can hurt themselves.
These messages have always arrived in my inbox and I have always vetted them to make sure that there is no harmful, unsafe or incriminating content going out into the world under my name.
And I know that I no longer have the resources to be able to hold the space for people I cannot help. The nature of this site has always been that things are anonymous, so even when people share things where they clearly need support, I am unable to offer it. I have built an entire school which is open for people who want to help themselves and want to make that move. SelfCareSchool.co.uk is one of the best things I have ever created in my life. And there will always be a space there for people who need support. But you have to be willing to take that one step. And one of the ways that I am choosing to protect my energy for myself and to look after myself is to decide that this will be the last post on this website.
There have been some messages over the last few days which have been sent which I have not yet got to, and for this I apologise. I will not be sharing anymore messages on MessagesINeverSentYou, quite simply because sometimes you have to choose to break your own heart to be true to yourself.
I really hope that everyone who has benefited or posted or shared or read this site has felt more connected to more humans and felt more love for themselves just by having a space and knowing that someone, even if just an Internet stranger, was here, willing to hold their words in a safe place.
If you do want extra support please drop me a line here or over at SelfCareSchool.co.uk (bursary spaces are available for folk who need them).
Here are some numbers for folks who want or need more support:
The Samaritans can be contacted on: 08457 90 90 90 or jo@samaritans.org
National Domestic Violence Helpline 24 hours a day, 7 days a week Tel: 0808 2000 247
Solace – http://www.solacewomensaid.org
Rape Crisis – http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk Refuge – http://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk LAWA – http://www.awadv.org.uk/en/contact Centre for Women’s Justice http://www.centreforwomensjustice.org.uk Southall Black Sisters – http://www.southallblacksisters.org.uk Surviving Economic Abuse – http://www.survivingeconomicabuse.org Strut Safe – https://www.strutsafe.org Rights of Women – https://rightsofwomen.org.uk
Thank you for taking time to support the mission that I’ve been on with this website, it has been a sacred time together. And sometimes it’s time to let go.
Please take very good care of yourselves.