It's not self care - It's capitalism
Wait, wait, wait… you might LOVE a pedicure. Dream of a pedicure. Feel like you deserve a treat and that treat is selfcare.
But did you notice what just happened there?
It took me years to notice.
You're allowed to want what you want. You're allowed to like what you like. And that does not make it is looking after yourself.
I think we need to separate being nice to ourselves from selfcare. Because when we frame selfcare as a reward we have earnt we make looking after ourselves transactional.
Liking something does not need to be a special occasion.
Basics are is not an indulgence.
The problem is that most of us feel we need a reason to say we want a massage, or our nails done or a lot of other things we can buy to “pamper” ourselves.
This reinforces the idea we should not just want something for the sake of it being enjoyable.
And if you think this is not you, how comfortable would you be requesting a day off work because you want one, rather than giving a "reason"?
Looking after yourself is a crucial rebellion in a world which celebrates burnout and productivity culture to the point of us not knowing how to look after ourselves (let alone having the time or money to).
You could not do a single day's work for the rest of your life, and you would still deserve self-care. Wild notion, huh? And I bet one that made you bristle. Because it is so ingrained in us that our well-being is an expectation to our everyday lives, not an essential part of the purpose of it.
You get to choose how you look after yourself (including going and getting that pedicure if you want). But it can often feel a lot like when the choice to look after yourself is in other people's hands, watching the way you speak to yourself is the very first way you can begin to recreate a connection to your needs and desires.
As Audre Lorde said:
"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."
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Over at SelfCareSchool, I am determined to make supporting people and their minds as accessible as possible.
You get a weekly coaching call for £127 a month
or £47 concession spaces are available
and there is a scholarship form on the website for folk who need that option.
No one is turned away for financial reasons.
And if you want to support this mission, each course also offers a Pay It Forward option.
