Spam Filter for your Brain - Episode 16
Confidence is strange because we all think we know what we're talking about, but we probably spend very little time identifying what we think we're talking about. When I say the word "confidence" to you, what comes to mind? Is it a particular person? Is it a special trait about yourself? Is it a specific way of standing, interacting, speaking, holding yourself, the clothes you might wear, or places you might go? Achievements that you might acquire along the way?
It's hard to build confidence for ourselves when we don't have a set definition of what that means. So I invite you to spend some time thinking about what confidence means to you this week. You could spend 5 minutes filling out a piece of paper and see what the word confidence brings up for you.
Someone who is confident, what might they be doing? What might they be wearing? Where would they be going? How could you tell from a distance that they were confident? What might be going on in their head? What if it was you? How do you know you're secure? How can you tell when you're feeling good about something? How could someone else see it in you?
How do you conduct yourself with the things you don't struggle to do? How is that different from what you feel you could have done better?
And if that feels far, far-fetched for you, think about something that you're completely confident in doing. That could be putting your socks on. Or it could be answering the doorbell when it rings. It could be making you pour a glass of water and making yourself a cup of tea. What are you confident in? You don't resistance that that could be a possibility for you? And what sort of things do you think about that task?
Because if it's things like, oh, "I'm going to do it", or "I want that, so I'm going to get it", or "the doorbell has rung, I'm going to answer it. That's what I do"; a lot of these tasks that we think are second nature, we have a whole load of thoughts in the background that enables us to feel like it's not a problem. It's not a difficulty that this thing is going to be inevitable.
And we can think that we don't have a lot of thoughts about it. We just do it. But there are thoughts there. Otherwise, we would not into move into action. So spending some time figuring out what those thoughts are, can lead us to what ideas work for us what ideas inspire us, which thoughts generate confidence for us personally.
And once you've identified those thoughts, you can apply them to other areas of your life. So, for example, going back to the cup of tea, "I'm going to get that.", "I'm just going to make that happen". "I'm thirsty, so I'm going to have what I want". If I was going to apply those thoughts to my work, for example, "there's a goal that I've set. I'm just going to get it". "I'm just going to have what I want." "I'm just going to make that happen". There thoughts are so differing to "I don't know how I will do this.", "This will never work.", "I don't know what I'm doing in this situation." "This is taking too long.", "I don't have time." All those thoughts will lead me to feelings of possible stress, anxiety, or resistance. They're going to lead me to actions that create more obstacles, like me having to sort of talk myself down from feeling negative emotions or procrastinating because it feels horrible, to feel isolated or trying to spend my time doing other things. Because I don't want to do the stuff that makes me think all this hard.
Whereas if I was to try and link some of those new thoughts to the goals that I'm trying to achieve, like, okay, "we're going to get this, this is going to work", and I can start practising relating those to neutrons in my brain and wiring them together with that little tiny thread of possibility. Then every time I do that, it becomes more accessible to me. And slowly, slowly, I gain confidence by believing that it is a possibility for me. And with my choice of what I am thinking driving me, I become more confident and more likely to achieve what I'm hoping to achieve.
So this is basic little toolkit in confidence building for you to take out the rest of your week. into the rest of your life. What tasks do you feel like you're confident in doing things you don't ever second guess yourself on? And what thoughts do you think about them, and where can you apply those thoughts for the rest of your life?
I hope this has been useful, and I look forward to speaking to you next week.
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