Forgiveness can sound like an emotion which we begrudgingly get around to you after someone has wronged us. Well, you may think of it in a religious context where everyone gets forgiven for their sins, or you may go full “Frozen” by singing let it go at the top of your lungs was furiously cleaning.
Never found any of these versions particularly helpful. Because if you hurt your heart, right? Well, sometimes.
Sometimes we can be both hurt and continue to hurt ourselves. Our brains have a knack of running through the wrong on replay, so we do not forget the danger. We choose him means. We don't get to move on. It's a sneaky way of keeping us vigilant. Whilst pretending just to be clarifying one more time how we were right and they were wrong.
The problem with these loops is that they are exhausting, and they keep us stuck in the story long after the incident has occurred.
So what can you do about it? Firstly, it can be incredibly neutralising to start acknowledging your hurt rather than you need to be right. It is a tiny step towards putting the ball back in your court.
The second powerful step is to look at what you want to feel rather than what you want the other party to feel. The untangling from their story brings your attention back to the life that you want to be living.
If you would like to learn how to do this, this is what we teach at SelfCareSchool.
From the 1st to the 8th of February, I'm running a weeklong workshop on forgiveness. We're going to be looking at forgiveness of other people. Broken hearts, forgiveness of ourselves and forgiveness of our bodies. All of those stories that rattle around in our brains, and we don't seem to be able to unhook from our thoughts. We're going to be teaching ways that you can learn. To release some of the friction and move on in a way you choose with the life you love. If you would like to join us, sign up here