Updated: Apr 20
Want some really simple steps you can take to clearly communicate your needs?
1 – Understand your why
Why do you want a boundary to be held? Why is it important for you? Why does it matter? The more clear you get about this, the more clear your communication will be.
2 – Don’t wait for the fire
Communicate your needs when you are not in the heat of the emotions. Know that when you are feeling challenged, it can feel a lot like needing to defend yourself. And if you are responding in a way which looks like you need to defend yourself, the other person is going to feel like the attacker – and then they are going to want to defend themselves – and so the spiral begins. Try to think about your needs before they are tested, and communicate them In a way which is likely to be received rather than fought off.
3 – Decide on your path
Get really clear about what you want to do about a boundary not being kept – before it is tested (or breached). Once you have anchored in your why and you have made time to think about how you want to behave and communicate then when someone else behaves in a way which is not ok for you, you already know what you will do – and without it coming from a place of fear or pain or hurt, it will come from the clarity of knowing what you want in your world.
4 - Keep your own word
Once you have decided upon a course of action, stick to it. Boundaries should never be empty threats. They are the rulebook you write for yourself, and you need to repeatedly show yourself that you can be trusted.
5 - Join the my brand new Boundaries course
Throughout May I am going to be running a coaching course which takes a deep dive into these areas and teaches you tangible methods to make sure you are in the driving seat and writing your own script.
I have made a free workbook on creating better boundaries, if you would like to investigate these themes in more detail. You can get your copy here: https://view.flodesk.com/pages/63a73e05329680c1aa6444ea
You can find out more about the Boundaries course here:
If you have any questions about any of this stuff, please do drop me a message.