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Controlling other people (and other myths)

When it comes to understanding and managing our own emotions, it's important to recognise we can't control other people's behaviour.

No matter how much we might want to, we can't make someone else act a certain way or respond in a certain way to us. However, we can take responsibility for our own reactions and emotions in response to others. By reflecting on what others trigger in us, we can gain insight into our own patterns and habits, and work on making changes can help us feel more in control of our own lives.

One of the keyways to do this is by learning to let go of our need for others to behave a certain way in order for us to feel good. Which, of course, is way harder than it sounds.  When we stop relying on others to make us happy or fulfilled, we can start to create our own foundations of peace and pleasure, independent to what's happening around us. This can be a powerful shift, as it means that we're no longer at the mercy of other people's behaviour, choices and whims. We're able to take back our power and create the life we want, regardless of what others are doing.  In theory.  But learning the how is the tricky bit (which is why I trained in it – because it fascinated me that it was possible when so many of us just feel resigned to it being otherwise).

It can be so tempting to want to believe that we could perhaps control someone else’s behaviour just this one time. Especially if we've convinced ourselves. That we know something they don't. But in truth, not only does it really turn out the way we want it to, but it simply rarely works. Down to the people's personal autonomy and all that.

When we learn to accept that other people are allowed to make mistakes just like we are. It freezes out to spend more time concentrating on what we want to accept. For ourselves and from other people.  We can learn to let go of things we can't control, not allowing them to take up too much space in our minds or energy, and it starts with how we talk to ourselves.

Ultimately, by understanding that we can't control other people's behaviour, we get to recentre on ourselves and our needs, and we get to work out how we can give this stuff to ourselves.


If you want to learn how, head over to

A group of women at a slumber party


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