Curiosity, Disability, Paying the Bills and Escaping Exhaustion

Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 193

Listen here

This week, I would like to give you an invitation to daydream, and this invitation comes from someone in a fat, disabled, wayward body. And I am here to tell you that maybe hustling for your worth isn't the only way that's possible. And even if it feels like it's the only way that's possible right now, if we don't stop and think creatively, we're never gonna find any other solutions.

I used to be firmly committed to the idea that the only way that I could manage the system was to hustle myself into exhaustion, and I would be guessing that quite a few of you have similar thoughts irrespective of what your body's up to. My body has extremely limited capacity, extremely limited at the moment, and if I think that the only way that I can survive to pay my bills, to get through the day, to hold everything that I need to hold is to work myself harder, I'm only gonna get more ill.

Now, for most of us, I hope that we are going to get to a stage where you are old enough and have lived enough life that your body will also start to behave in ways where you're not able to do all of the things that on paper it looks like you should be doing. And a whole load of obligations that you're probably telling yourself you should do which may not strictly be true.

And this week I would like to look at the possibility of getting curious about how else we could manage this.

This week's podcast is about internalised ableism and capitalism disguised under time management. I used to feel very much like I was trapped in a body that wouldn't play the game, and actually, I think the game's a bit rigged. I think many of us have bodies and capacities that are not fit for a system that- idolises exhaustion.

There have definitely been moments where I felt trapped by my body, and I bet that there's probably some situations for you where you felt a little trapped too. Maybe it's by caring responsibilities, maybe it is by the rising cost of living, maybe it is by work situations or dynamics around you that you feel like you don't have any control over.

When I felt trapped, I was unable to think about anything creatively. I was unable to think about what else could be possible. And most importantly, I felt unable to rest because I felt that the moment that I stopped, the whole thing would fall down. 

The truth is that things were a lot more likely to fall down when I wasn't taking care of myself 'cause I was so overstretched.

Now, I know that most of us know this stuff, and it is quite often just lined with a, "well, how do I rest? The bills still need to be paid. All of this stuff needs to be done." And. I bet that there are pockets of time hiding in plain sight where you are telling yourself that you should be doing things that maybe you don't have to, which could be reclaimed.

I bet there are moments in your life where you are not being as kind to yourself as perhaps you could be, and you spend a whole load of time trying to navigate your emotions around the fact that you haven't been as gracious or as compassionate to yourself as would be helpful in the situation. I bet that there are a whole load of pockets of time that you spend trying to navigate how other people feel and how other people behave, so that you don't have to think and feel particular things about them if they carry on heading the way that they're heading.

There are ways that we can find these tiny little pockets of time and they build.

And the biggest thief of time I've found is some of these narratives that are going on internally that were self-critical, criticising my body, and telling myself things should be other than they are.

So when I told myself that my body was wrong, that I should be doing more, my body went into feeling like it was being attacked, because it was, and I was having to navigate all of the stuff that came up when I was receiving that kind of criticism, and that was time that could be spent relaxing, having something tasty, calling a friend, doing something that was nice and rejuvenating and nourishing.

These voices that we have, the inner narratives, are time stealers. They are joy stealers. Frankly, they suck the love out of our life.

Learning to identify the ways that we undermine ourselves is the key solution, I have found, to being able to step away from exhaustion, overwhelm, burnout, and chronic pain. And often additional pain that I have in my body that was just being caused by stress and me holding myself so tight the whole time. 

Having tools to be able to analyse some of the stories that I tell myself about where I'm feeling stuck and where I'm feeling trapped has been the key thing that has changed me being able to live a life that feels a lot more free, a lot more spacious, and a lot more caring and fun. I make time for fun. I make time for my friends, and I believe that that's possible for all of us.

And I also think that it's probably a lot harder if we are also trying to scrabble to put all of our pleasure and joy needs last after we've done all of these obligation things, and whilst we have this background noise telling us that we're not getting things right, that we have to stretch ourselves so thin that there's hardly any of us left. And so by the time that we get round to being able to have any fun, we're quite simply too tired to take anything up. 

Another way is possible, but it's hard to imagine what that other way could be if you're so tired that you just wanna zone out the whole time.

I hope that you know by now, inside www.SelfCareSchool.co.uk, we have a whole load of mind management tools, and I want you to know I really don't wanna gatekeep this information. I think that it's crucial for change. There is a full wage fee if you can afford it. There is a concessions fee if you need that available to you.

And if you can't afford that, I offer scholarship programs. So if not being so tired all the time sounds like something that you would like, please do message me.

These tools are available so more of us can free ourselves up from getting out of survival mode and reclaiming some of the joy that we all deserve.

I wish that for you.

The resources are there, and they're available, and I hope that just this idea of bringing kindness to our bodies, bringing kindness to our schedules, making room for curiosity, play, bliss in your life, might be something that sounds a lot more exciting than being overwhelmed and exhausted.

If you would like to be less overwhelmed and less exhausted, you know where to find me. There's links in the show notes underneath, and I will speak to you next week.

Free Emotional Resilience Workbook