Escaping the Perfectionist’s Trap: Why Waiting for the Perfect Moment Holds You Back
- HeardinLondon
- Mar 26
- 11 min read
Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 175
So many of us use life situations as secret sneaky ways to not be on our own side.
What I mean by this is that quite often I hear phrases like, "I will do it when things calm down a little bit". Or "I've just gotta get over this bit and then I will look at that thing" and "that thing" being, there's something that's good for me, there's something I wanna do. That something which feels like it might be nurturing or nourishing to the soul.
And I don't think that a lot of people realise that this is perfectionism. I think that quite a lot of people think that perfectionism is getting everything right all of the time. And I think that perfectionism is kind of the opposite.
Perfectionism in a way is a cute little shop front for procrastination. Perfectionism tells you that everything has to be completely lined up or you can't take any action at all. You can't move on until you have tied up all of these beautiful little barriers; until everything is exactly where it should be.
And by making sure that we keep ourselves stuck in this trap of, "it's not good enough yet". We are keeping ourselves secretly safe from having to take any risks by doing the next thing or doing something new, or expanding our reach and grip of the possibilities that are in front of us.
Perfectionism is not actually getting things perfect at all. Perfectionism is the trap of telling yourself that everything needs to be absolutely right or you can't move on.
And the reason that that can be a problem is because these ideal situations are actually a fantasy. There's probably very few times in your life where you can think that everything is exactly where it should be in an exact alignment, and everything has been done absolutely to the T. We're always expanding and growing and everything is in flux and moving around us.
There are actually very few ideal conditions quite often, and we have to go, "okay, this is as good as we are doing for now. Let's go. Let's take that next step".
One of my favourite things that I have really leaned into over the last few years is B- and out the door. Just get things done and then start building, is always going to be better than waiting for everything to be absolutely perfect before you launch it out into the world.
I think if I had been waiting for everything to be perfect, I never would've started www.selfcareschool.co.uk. I certainly would never have taken the risk at calling myself a photographer, after spending so many years telling myself I'm not technically good enough to be called a photographer, and I wouldn't have done so many things that've turned into incredible adventures in my life.
The idea that you need to get everything right, puts an awful lot of onus on you being able to control everything around you and everything in the environment. And I just don't see that that is ever possible. It's something that I see come up quite a lot.
When people come to me for photo shoots. They're like, or not come to, to me for photo shoots. They're like, "oh, when I've lost a little bit of weight" or "when this thing comes down", or "when I just get over this work thing", then I'll have this photo shoot that I really want and I really know would be good for me and I would really like to have, but I can't do it yet because the circumstances aren't right.
And actually, You have to choose for the circumstances to be what you want rather than for the circumstances to be this fantasy ideal of perfect for you to take a gamble on yourself.
I believe that you are always with taking a gamble on. That is how we have some of the most incredible adventures that most of us have ever experienced in our lives. Waiting for things to be perfect, is a very valid form of self-protection. But that is what it is. It's self-protection. It's trying to keep you from the discomfort of stretching yourself, expanding yourself, learning new things, and doing things that just feel out of the ordinary.
So next time you catch yourself telling yourself. So everything needs to be exactly perfect before you can move on, or you just need things to be in the right place before you can do that thing that you wanna do. Just notice what you're doing to yourself there, because once you've noticed it, you can make an active choice if it's something you wanna carry on doing.
In the show notes and over at www.SelfcareSchool.co.uk, I've got some really useful free workbooks on how to make decisions, how to do things more clearly, and you can book a free coaching call with me there. You can hop on if you have a decision or something that you are wanting to make and you're just feeling a bit confused as to where that next step might be.
You can hop on a free coaching call. We can whiz through it and try and look at some solutions for you in under 15 minutes. And you can get an experience as to what it might be like to have someone being able to ask you the questions that help you to identify your own answers. That's what coaching's about. It's not about telling you what to do, it's about helping you navigate back to your own truth.
That's what we do inside www.SelfcareSchool.co.uk, and I would love to support you with whatever's going on in your life. And you don't have to wait for it to be perfect for you to book that call. I hope that this has been some in useful musings for you this week, and I'll speak to you next week.
The Perfectionist’s Trap: Stop Waiting for the “Right Time” and Start Living
Do you ever catch yourself saying, “I’ll start when things calm down a bit,” or, “I just need to get over this busy patch and then everything will fall into place”? If so, you’re definitely not alone. In this week’s episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon, digs into a sneaky mindset trap that’s holding so many of us back from making progress on the things that genuinely nurture us: the perfectionist’s trap.
Let’s break down why so many people are accidentally getting in their own way, how perfectionism keeps us stuck, and – importantly – how you can start moving forward without waiting for that mythical “perfect moment”.
What Perfectionism Really Looks Like in Everyday Life
Contrary to popular belief, perfectionism isn’t always about getting everything right or being the person who colour-codes every drawer (though, go you if that’s your style). Perfectionism, more often than not, masquerades as procrastination. It’s the inner voice insisting everything must be lined up and “just so” before you can take the slightest step forward.
It’s easy to fall into thinking that perfectionism means being high-achieving, but as I points out on the podcast, it’s quite the opposite. Perfectionism is like a shopfront for inaction. You tell yourself, “I can’t launch that project, book that photoshoot, or try that new hobby just yet – because everything isn’t quite ready.” The honest truth? There is rarely a moment when all conditions are textbook perfect.
“I’ll Do It When…”: How We Use Life as an Excuse
We’re all guilty of playing the “I’ll do it when…” game. Maybe you tell yourself you’ll finally treat yourself to that long-desired photoshoot after losing a bit of weight, or you’ll sign up for that course once work gets quieter, or you’ll dedicate time to yourself when life slows down – which, let’s face it, almost never happens.
Most people don’t realise this is perfectionism in disguise. It’s not just about idealising how things should be, it’s an act of self-protection. By not taking action until everything’s “just right”, we keep ourselves safe from the discomfort of growth and the vulnerability of trying something new.
Why Perfect Conditions Are a Myth
Here’s a truth: that ideal set of circumstances you’re waiting for is a fantasy. Everything in life is always shifting. Rarely do all your ducks line up, ready for you to paddle off and achieve your dreams. Life is ever-evolving, so if you’re waiting for perfect timing to take a leap – whether that’s self-care, professional development, or creative expression – you might be waiting forever.
Instead, the best results often come from adopting a “B- and out the door” approach. Getting things done imperfectly – but actually done – trumps waiting forever for a flawless start. Building, refining, and learning as you go is how you create momentum. If I had waited for everything to be ideal, Self Care School would never have launched, and countless adventures would have remained dreams instead of realities.
The High Cost of Waiting for Perfection
Waiting for everything to feel right or postponing meaningful changes until you’re more ready is one of the most valid forms of self-protection. But, as HeardinLondon shares, it’s also a trap. It shields you from discomfort – but it will keep you stuck in the same place, never moving forward.
The idea that we need control over everything before we dare to take a risk is not only unrealistic, it’s exhausting. Most of the good stuff in life comes from taking a gamble on yourself before you feel ready. You are always worth backing yourself, flaws and all.
How to Notice When You’re Stuck (and What to Do About It)
Next time you catch yourself hesitating because conditions aren’t perfect, pause and notice what you’re telling yourself. That internal narrative is a powerful opportunity to make a new choice and start rewriting your patterns.
Want to break free from the cycle of waiting for the perfect moment? Try some gentle self-enquiry:
Ask yourself if you’re really protecting yourself, or just putting off expansion.
Reflect on the last time you truly had the “perfect” environment – was it as perfect as you told yourself it needed to be?
Consider what could happen if you gave yourself permission to act before you felt 100% ready.
If you’d like more support with making choices, overcoming procrastination, and genuinely backing yourself, Self Care School has free decision-making resources and offers free coaching calls to help you get unstuck. Don’t wait for everything to be perfect to reach out – you don’t need to have it all figured out.
You Don’t Have to Wait for Perfection – Start Now
Life will rarely offer the “perfect” conditions, but you can choose to start anyway. By letting go of the fantasy that everything needs to be just right before you take action, you open yourself up to adventure, new possibilities, and authentic self-growth.
So this week, notice where perfectionism might be slowing you down. Give yourself permission to move forward imperfectly, because progress is always better than waiting in limbo for the perfect time.
And if you need support along the way, remember: you’re always worth taking a gamble on.
If you enjoyed these musings, listen to the latest episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain and visit www.SelfCareSchool.co.uk for free resources and support on your journey to living fully – no perfection required.
Quick Summary: 5 Key Takeaways from "The Perfectionist’s Trap"
Perfectionism is procrastination in disguise: Waiting for the “perfect” moment often masks a fear of taking action.
Life seldom offers ideal circumstances: Progress requires starting with what you have, not waiting for everything to align.
Self-sabotage can appear as caution: Putting off nurturing, adventurous, or growth-filled steps can be subtle self-protection.
Taking risks is essential for personal growth: Adventures and fulfillment come from moving forward, not delaying for perfection.
Awareness sparks change: Simply noticing perfectionist thinking enables you to make proactive choices.
Expanded Explanation
HeardinLondon notes that phrases like “I’ll do it when things calm down” often mask a reluctance to pursue growth or joy. This mindset frames delay as logical when it’s actually an avoidance mechanism.
What’s the difference between perfectionism and striving for quality?
Striving for quality means doing your best within existing circumstances, while perfectionism insists on flawless conditions before taking any action. Quality allows for process and growth; perfectionism leads to stagnation.
Expanded Explanation
HeardinLondon emphasizes that quality improvement embraces learning and progress (“be minus and out the door”), whereas perfectionism freezes you into inaction.
Why do we wait for the “perfect” moment?
Many believe they need ideal circumstances to start, but HeardinLondon shows this is a fantasy. Reality is always in flux, and waiting for perfection is often self-protection from discomfort or fear of failure.
Expanded Explanation
The belief that you’ll “do it when X is perfect” keeps you from risking growth, adventure, or vulnerability.
How can I recognise when perfectionism is holding me back?
Notice when you keep postponing projects or self-care “until things are just so.” Ask yourself if these delays are really required—or if fear or discomfort is driving them.
Expanded Explanation
Awareness is the first step to change. HeardinLondon says: “Just notice what you’re doing to yourself there. Once you’ve noticed it, you can make an active choice…”
What actionable steps help overcome perfectionist procrastination?
Identify your delay patterns: Catch yourself using “when things are perfect” language.
Start with “good enough”: Commit to a B- effort and ship it out.
Choose progress over stalling: Take one small, imperfect action.
Reframe discomfort: Acknowledge that risk and stretching are part of growth.
Seek support: Coaching or community can help clarify first steps.
How do I take action even if things aren’t perfect?
Start with the resources, time, and energy available. HeardinLondon suggests a “B- and out the door” approach—done is better than perfect.
Expanded Explanation
Don’t wait. Each imperfect action builds new skills, experience, and confidence, opening new possibilities.
What does HeardinLondon suggest if I feel stuck by indecision?
Try decision-making exercises or seek coaching. HeardinLondon offers free workbooks and coaching calls in the show notes at Self Care School to help you unblock your next steps at your own pace.
Why do people wait to do things like photoshoots “at the right time”?
It’s common to think, “When I lose weight/job settles/feel ready, then I’ll do it.” HeardinLondon reframes this as a form of self-protection—delaying something good for you until a fantasy moment that may never come.
What’s the risk of waiting at all at at at perfect at at to live for?
Inaction in pursuit of perfection means missing opportunities, growth, and experiences you value. You remain “safe” but unfulfilled. HeardinLondon stresses that “You are always worth taking a gamble on.”
How can I shift my mindset about perfectionism?
Notice your perfectionist patterns.
Challenge your assumptions: Ask what’s lost by waiting.
Give yourself permission: Choose “good enough” over “not at all.”
Get support: Use workbooks, coaching, or community resources.
What support/resources does HeardinLondon offer?
HeardinLondon provides free workbooks on decision-making and offers free, short coaching calls to help listeners get clarity and move forward—even if everything isn’t perfect.
Can you share some key quotes from this episode?
“Perfectionism is kind of the opposite [of doing things perfectly]. It’s a cute little shop front for procrastination.”
“We keep ourselves stuck in this trap of it’s not good enough yet.”
“Ideal situations are actually a fantasy.”
“Be minus and out the door… just get things done and start building.”
“You are always worth taking a gamble on.”
“Waiting for things to be perfect is a valid form of self-protection, but that’s what it is: self-protection.”
“It’s not about telling you what to do, it’s about helping you navigate back to your own truth.”
“You don’t have to wait for it to be perfect for you to book that call.”
Actionable Tips to Break the Perfectionist Trap
Notice perfectionist delays in your language and decisions.
Reframe progress as practice, not performance.
Embrace “good enough” and ship B- drafts/projects.
Set a time limit to start, not a quality threshold.
Use support: free workbooks, calls, or group encouragement.
E-E-A-T Signals (Experience, Expertise, Authority, Trust)
Host Credentials:
HeardinLondon
is the creator of Self Care School, photographer, experienced coach, and frequent speaker on self-development and self-care topics.
Direct Support: Free resources and personalized coaching calls underscore an evidence-based, supportive approach.
Years of Insight:
HeardinLondon
shares lived examples and lessons from coaching, photography, and creative careers.
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