Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 113
It can be really easy to compare ourselves to other people, can't it? Even though we know better, and even though we know that other people are having just as much of a lifey time as we are.
Sometimes we can have things that we really dream of and things that really, really want in our lives, people who have that thing that we think that we want, whether it is kind of relationship or a financial status or a kind of living situation, a holiday schedule, a work schedule. We can look at how other people have things sorted and they have the thing that we want and we can imagine that life is much nicer for them because they have that thing.
I know that you know this, but I'm just here to remind you that comparison is a joy thief.
Comparing yourself to other people takes you out of the present of what you have now, and all of the striving and all the work that you've done to get to where are now. And it takes you away from being able to achieve any kind of action towards getting the thing that you want. It just sits there in a sticky, sucky resentment place, which is very disabling and very disarming, and not the kind of place from which you take positive action. And you can think about what you actually want. It's very much a sulky arm crossy place is comparison.
Actually what we want to be doing is to be able to look at some of those desires that you have for the things that you think other people are getting and getting an easier life from, and rather than trying to dismiss them as, oh, that's shit, and I shouldn't feel like that, and "Oh my goodness, I can't believe that I'm still doing this comparison thing, even though I know better." What you can actually do with comparison is to use it like a map to your desires.
So when you think about someone else having this thing that you want, maybe it is a particular amount of money. Let's use the idea of having, having the dream house. For example. When you think of someone else who has that thing that you want, that dream house, what do you think that they have that you don't? And I don't mean in terms of number of rooms or maybe a swimming pool and a roof party. Like, what do you think those things that they have are giving them an emotional sense? What nourishment are they getting emotionally that you feel like you're not able to achieve without getting that thing.
Because when we can work out what you think having those things will make you feel, then we can identify it. Is that emotion that you're seeking. Because we know that it's not a number of rooms in the house that causes a physical sensation to go on in your body that you label an emotion. It's your thoughts that cause your feelings. So if we can work out what our actual desires and what our motivations are to want that thing in the first place, then we can kind of plot our way backwards.
So, for example, if you think that you have the perfect dream house that Brenda down the road has, you might think that you might feel a sense of achievement. And so knowing that it is the motivation of that sense of achievement that you're actually hoping for, that's what the whole going for the house is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. You can go, okay, well, what do I think? Someone who was feeling a sense of achievement might be thinking. And they might be thinking, "Haven't I done well?", "Look how far I've come.", "Look at how life is working out for me.", "This is just the beginning.", "I'm only just about to start getting all of the good things that I'm going to get in my life". These kind of thoughts would all probably take me to somewhere, like feeling that kind of emotion, and then you can start going, okay, well, where do I think those things now? "Good things are working out for me?", "Life's working out in my favour.", "I've got a lovely thing", maybe it might be about your friends. Maybe it might be just as simple as looking in your cutlery drawer and thinking, you've got a really cracking potato peeler that you're ever so happy with, or I've got a really good cheese grater and a garlic crusher, just, you know, not showing off here for all of my good things, you know, where is the sense where you're like, "oh, I really achieved.", "Good things are really coming my way."
I know that it may sound ridiculous to be comparing a mansion with a pool to a little garlic crusher, but actually, that thought of, oh, my gosh, I can't believe I've got such a good garlic crusher. Fills me with such a sense of accomplishment that life's working out for me. And that is exactly the same sense that I would be seeking with the five bedroom mansion and the swimming pool.
It's just on a much grander scale. And frankly, with a lot more cleaning. Goodness me, the garlic crush is a bugger to clean in itself anyway, easily distracted by little points of purpose. It's the emotion that I'm seeking, though. So when I can work out what areas of my life that I feel that stuff already, then I can work out how I can use them, apply them and bring them more to the fore. So once I've identified a thought that worked for me, I've got an exceedingly good garlic crusher. "Life is working out for me", "I'm really pleased I found it" is actually something that I think about the garlic crusher. "How lucky am I that such inventions were made and they land in my lap?" When I think something like that, those kind of thoughts, I get this sort of sense of contentment.
Life can be really tricky sometimes, but there is this sense of like, ah, let's take the good bits that I used to have a sense of relief for when. When I think about the wee little garlic crusher, and I know that is exactly the same way that I would feel about if I had this massive house. What I don't think about when I think about someone having a massive house and a pool and a five bedroom mansion is I don't think that life would still be very lifey. I think that life would be very rosy and that they wouldn't have any difficulties or any problems.
And that's not true.
Everybody is experiencing a whole lot of life, no matter where they are and no matter what things they're getting. It's just when I'm comparing myself to other people or other things that I think that I might want, I sort of filter out that they have just a very rosy life with none of the bad stuff going on, or none of the difficult stuff, or none of the bored stuff, or none of the really hard to navigate. I don't know which way I'm facing stuff. And life's going to be very lifey every which way of whichever side of the grass being green that you happen to be standing on. But when we work out what we want, we work out where in our life we're already thinking those things. "I've got brilliant garlic crusher", "Life's working out for me", "Thank goodness this land on my lap". I can start rehearsing that thought, and when I say to rehearse it, what I mean is I could write it down, I could stick it on post-it notes, I could use it as a password on my phone, I could email it to myself.
That thought of "life's working out for me" is going to take me to a place in my heart and in my actions, where I'm loads more likely to be taking actions which are aligned with getting me something more in the lines of things are working out for me. So maybe that's I'm going to be taking more actions that are more in alignment with that sense of achievement and satisfaction in my friendships, in my relationships, in my work environment, in the way that I manage my time, in the way that I speak to myself when I'm rehearsing that as a baseline that life is working out for me, it's on my side and nice things come to me. I'm way more likely to take actions which are in my favour than if I'm sat there going, "Brenda's got it all, everything sucks, nothing ever works out for me." It all falls apart when I'm thinking stuff like that. I'm more likely to take actions that are not in my best interests, probably for me, a little bit slovenly and a little bit sort of half-hearted and ~"well, there's no point anyway". And that's not going to get me any closer to my dream.
Am I saying in this podcast that if you think nice enough thoughts about your garlic crusher, you're going to end up with a five-bedroom mansion? No. However, I'm way more likely to be setting myself up for a whole load more. Things that are in more alignment with things that I want and things that I desire. When I'm thinking about the emotions that work for me and take me more into the life state that I want to be creating.
I know, and I've been practising this stuff long enough, that when I check in with what I actually want and what I'm willing to put the work in to do, I'm constantly amazed at how many good things fall into my lap that I couldn't have even dreamed of. And when I align myself with the kind of emotions that I want from life, there's stuff that I couldn't ever have imagined that take, that are aligned with that emotion, that sense of achievement, sense that good things come to me, the sense that life is on my side. There is stuff that falls into my lap that I couldn't have even dreamed of had I not been putting the effort into looking out for that stuff and consciously trying to observe it around me and making those connections in my brain that that is the thing that I wish to observe in and around my world.
So I dare you to try it. Because frankly, comparing ourselves to other people and feeling a bit miserable about life is really easy. It can be our default setting and it takes a conscious decision to want to wish the best for ourselves. And it's a really beautiful place when you're on your own side and you can know that each action is a step towards bringing you more of the things that make your heart sing, even if you don't see the results eventually. All of the results that we're seeing right now are the repercussions of actions that we've taken in the past.
The more we can set ourselves up for more things that mean things to us right now, the more our future is going to glow with the kind of love and wealth and abundance and joy that we hope to see more of in our lives.
I hope that that adds a little nugget of potential for excitement and mapping out future dreams into your world for this week, and I look forward to seeing you next week.
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