Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy
- HeardinLondon
- 3 hours ago
- 9 min read
Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 159
This week I wanted to speak about something that so many of us struggle with. And it's something that I hear many people come to coaching with.
But it takes a little bit of digging to get down there. And that is the idea that you are your own worst enemy. It's something that I think people say to themselves a lot when they notice that they're saying something unkind to themselves and then they kind of just brush it off. They're like, Oh yeah, I would never speak to somebody else like that. And then move on. As if that isn't the key crux of so much of the suffering that we navigate in our daily lives. And this week I propose a few tiny disruptors that you can use to navigate around some of those voices that you might have been using against yourself, maybe your whole life. The things that you have said to yourself so often that it sounds like it's your voice.
And I just want to invite you to question where some of that stuff comes from. So rather than considering the idea of not speaking to yourself with the same kindness and compassion you would want for others, I invite you to stop and pause simply. And rather than laying it as just one more thing that you don't feel you're getting right, some kind of major personality flaw. I invite you to notice when you talk to yourself in a way that you don't think is kind, fair, or generous, and pause to ask yourself, Where am I giving my power away here? I think that quite often, many of us have it as a reflex, a way of just dismissing ourselves or criticising ourselves without even thinking about it.
Where is doing that undermining the agency that you have as a. As a human, as a human who can create kindness, who can disrupt someone else, who is being unkind, who can no notice when someone's struggling on the street and offer to help them notice where it's taking your power away from being able to create any kind of world that is more inclusive and equitable and the kind of spaces that notice who isn't in the room? Where is undermining yourself and not being gracious with yourself taking that power away from you? And if that is something that's important to you, I then invite you to ask who is taking that power away? Where is the kind of stuff that you're saying to yourself replicated in wider society? Whose messaging are you parroting? Whose marketing are you doing for them? Who benefits when you talk to yourself like that? And what kind of systems and structures are you adding to when you add that level of denigration to another human being? That human being just happens to be you. What are you adding to in the world when you speak to yourself like that? Take it away from the personal of, oh, this is just something that I do and pause and go is this something that I want to be amplifying in the world right now? Is this something that the world needs?
And I'm talking very theoretically, but let's, you know, the obvious one is body image for me, you know, if you are saying horrible things to yourself in the mirror, do we really need more people who hate their bodies right now? Is that useful? Is that useful when there is so many really important issues that need our time and energy and heart and what we're doing is verbally attacking someone who cares about stuff like that? Is that what you want to be doing with your time? Do you think that that is a good use of your heart and your energy? Because there are only so many hours in the day, my love, and you don't have to do that. We can choose something different.
You thrive. More of us thrive when systems of oppression don't flourish. And currently, we are in an economy where many systems of oppression don't just flourish from our financial benefit. They flourish from our attention and from our energy. From us not questioning where we're parroting some of the things that we have been taught throughout our entire lives about how insignificant, how rubbish and generally not good enough we are. You don't need to be adding to that messaging. And I would bet you hard cash that you telling yourself that you're not good enough is not adding any benefit to the world at all. You can interrupt this.
It is what I teach inside www.selfcareschool.co.uk Some straightforward methods for noticing, interrupting, and retraining your brain. And if www.selfcareschool.co.uk isn't the right thing for you right now, that doesn't mean that you are excluded from this work by any means. But I also do know how long I wasted not thinking that this was possible for me to change the way that I spoke to myself because I was secretly the terrible person who wasn't good enough. No one really knew quite how awful I am. And therefore all of these promises that I used to hear about things that would work and would make a difference and would help just like water off a ducks back to me because people didn't secretly know how terrible I really was. And if any of that resonates with you, I invite you to just give it a go. Give it a go.
There is a link in the show notes here to schedule a complimentary 15-minute laser-focused coaching call if any of this resonates with you, and if you'd like to discuss how it might be beneficial to reduce self-criticism. If you would love that and would like to bring more kindness into your life, I would love that too. And the link is there. I hope that this idea of just checking in with yourself, is this helping the world? Is this building part of the world I want to create? And is there a way that I can begin to undo some of the messaging that I have been taught that keeps people more focused at all of the things that they might be doing wrong, rather than looking out towards the world and more of the things that we can create with more kindness, more care, more generosity towards others. I hope that this has been a useful little disruptor into your day and if no one else has told you today, least of all yourself, I think you're brilliant, you're worth the time and care and I wish for easy days full of love and kindness for you. I'll speak to you next week.
Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy: How to Reconnect With Compassion and Create a Kinder World
Have you ever caught yourself saying something unkind to yourself — and then just shrugged it off, thinking, “I’d never speak to anyone else like that”? If that resonates with you, you’re not alone. In this week’s episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HiLy gently guides us to question the inner dialogue we so often let run on autopilot, urging us to disrupt patterns of self-criticism and reclaim our personal power.
Let’s get curious together. If you’re searching for small-but-mighty ways to stop being your own worst enemy, foster greater self-kindness, and build resilience, this article is for you.
Why Are We Our Own Harshest Critics?
We’ve all heard the phrase, “You are your own worst enemy.” But, as HiLy shares in her compassionate coaching style, this isn’t just casual self-talk; it’s often the crux of so much daily suffering. Many of us have made self-criticism into an unconscious habit, parroting messages picked up from decades of cultural conditioning — whether that’s about our bodies, capabilities, or worthiness.
So how do we begin to disrupt this narrative and genuinely nurture self-compassion and emotional well-being?
The First Step: Notice, Pause, and Question
Before we pile on yet another self-improvement checklist — before we decide that speaking kindly to ourselves is just another thing we’re “not getting right” — let’s start with a simple pause. The next time an unkind or unfair thought springs to mind, ask yourself:
Where am I giving my power away by believing this?
Whose voice am I echoing with these thoughts?
Who actually benefits from me thinking I’m not enough?
Am I supporting a culture or system that profits when I feel this way?
This isn’t about blaming ourselves for internalised negativity; it's about curiosity and gently redirecting our attention. Our thoughts drive our behaviour, our relationships, and, ultimately, our experience of the world — and it’s okay to take a moment and ask: Is this truly serving me or the world I want to help build?
Long-Term Change Starts With Tiny Disruptors
According to HiLy, it’s not about magical overnight transformation. Instead, it’s about small, repeatable choices. You might be working on improving your body image, learning better boundaries, or tackling perfectionism; every moment of challenge offers a new opportunity to interrupt harsh self-talk and create space for kindness.
When you notice yourself being hard on yourself, you can try reframing the thought:
“Is this thought helping me build the kind of world I hope for?”
“Do we need another person who hates their body right now... or someone who brings kindness and care?”
A subtle shift, but powerful. Imagine how redirecting this energy could fuel your creativity, presence, and resilience.
How Self-Care Work Extends Beyond Yourself
One of the most significant insights from this episode is that personal growth is fundamentally collective. When we interrupt self-critical cycles, we not only create more room for our own well-being, we stop feeding into systems of oppression and exclusion that thrive on our attention, energy, and doubt.
As HiLy points out, we are living in an economy that profits from our feelings of inadequacy, from marketing that tells us we’re not enough — but we don’t have to contribute to those messages. When we choose to be more generous and compassionate towards ourselves, we’re helping to dismantle those harmful narratives for everyone.
Practical Tools for Building Self-Kindness
If you're wondering how to integrate these insights into your daily life, HiLy recommends starting with a few actionable steps:
Experiment with micro-habits of self-care: Challenge inner narratives with tiny acts of kindness, whether it’s how you look in the mirror, how you motivate yourself at work, or how you recover from mistakes.
Seek community and guidance: Whether through group coaching sessions, online courses, or trusted friends, surround yourself with voices that reinforce your worth and your capacity for change.
Question the messaging you’ve internalised: Ask where your inner critic learned its script, and whose interests it might be serving.
If you’d love some gentle support and structure, the www.SelfCareSchool.co.uk community offers practical ways to untangle sticky emotions, develop self-compassion, and set healthier boundaries. There’s even a free 15-minute focused coaching call to help you explore what moving away from harsh self-judgment could look like for you.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
Remember: growth isn’t about fixing yourself, but about reclaiming your agency. More of us thrive when we challenge oppressive systems and choose to flourish, together.
If today’s episode got you thinking — if a kinder, more creative, empowered life sounds appealing — know that you’re worth the time and care. You deserve easy days full of love and kindness. Give yourself permission to interrupt the noise, and start building the world you want to live in, starting from within.
Explore courses, coaching, and community at Self Care School. Your story, your voice, your well-being matter.
Final Thought
You’re not alone in this journey. If nobody has told you lately — especially yourself — you’re brilliant, you’re worthy, and kindness towards yourself is always a good use of your precious energy.
Bookmark this page, share it with someone who could use the encouragement, and check back for more compassionate, practical tips from Spam Filter for Your Brain.
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How Self-Talk Shapes Your LifeYou’ll discover why the way you speak to yourself matters—not just for your own wellbeing, but for the world you’re helping to create. I invite you to notice when your inner critic pops up, and offers practical ways to pause and rethink those patterns.
Unpacking Where Your Critical Voice Comes FromInstead of blaming yourself for having negative inner talk, you’ll be encouraged to question where these voices originated. Who are you actually parroting? Whose messaging is getting amplified when you’re hard on yourself?
Regaining Your Power Through Kindness, I explain that criticising yourself undermines the agency and compassion you can bring to the world. Showing yourself more kindness isn’t just good for you—it interrupts wider systems of oppression and makes space for more generosity.
Simple Disruptors to Change Old Patterns to, actionable ways to interrupt harsh self-talk and retrain your brain, whether you join www.SelfCareSchool.co.uk or simply try out the free resources mentioned. You’ll realise that shifting these habits is both possible and worth a try.
Building a Life You Actually WantYou’ll learn to check in with yourself: Is the way you’re talking to yourself helping build the world you want? I encourage you to look outwards, focus on what you can create, and find more ease, love, and kindness in your days.
If you’ve ever felt like your own worst enemy, this episode will help you see how small shifts in your thinking can help you (and everyone around you) thrive. You’re worth the time and care—and you’re not alone in figuring this out!
