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Forgiving and remembering

Updated: Jun 16, 2023

Why forgiving is not the same as condoning.

Even though we know they're different concepts, I think we often conflate forgiveness with condoning, especially when we're feeling hurt.

Sometimes it's good to go back to basics and look at definitions. Condoning involves excusing or overlooking someone's behaviour, whereas forgiveness is about reclaiming agency and deciding what you want to feel about a situation now and in the future.

It can be a scary thing to let go of the past. There is something familiar about the story we have repeated to ourselves a lot. And the familiar always feels safer than the unknown.

A useful tool is to step out of the frame of right or wrong and ask yourself what you would like to be feeling here.

Just this exploration of what could be possible allows space for curiosity to begin to take the place of indignation.

So next time you feel like forgiveness is the same as giving someone the green light, remember you have the power to decide what you would like to feel, and the road you choose to travel is completely up to you. And perhaps that path could feel lighter if you were not dragging a rucksack of righteous indignation along with you. Perhaps this stuff is not yours to carry. Maybe, just maybe, it is worth exploring what else could be possible.


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