The Grief of Productivity

HeardinLondon
4 days ago
8 min read

Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 167

So many people that I speak to have a sense of themselves and a sense of their self-worth tied up in how much they do, how much they achieve at work, how much they have managed to climb in their careers or even within the house. How much you manage to stay tidy or do or cook the perfect recipe or show up for your friends in a particular way.

This idea of productivity can seep into so many areas of our life, and I know that lots of the people who are listening to this probably don't subscribe to that theory and probably think that that's something that they're actively trying to work against.

And what I don't hear a lot of people talking about, is when you are actively trying to work against something that you've spent your whole life surrounded by and your whole life being told that this is how you assert who you are as a person and your sense of goodness as a human, that if you are going to try and undo some of that socialisation and that you are going to want to change how you view yourself, there can be a sense of grief that comes with it.

Because if you're not identifying yourself according to how many things that you have done or achieved, or these societal markers as to how good you are as a human, then who are you?

What are you left with at the end of the day? And that can take some untangling, even if it's something that we don't align with ethically and we know that it isn't how we want to be viewing ourselves, trying to work out how else we can view ourselves is something that we're not really taught. (It's something I teach.)

But it's something that we're not taught generally, and so it can feel very destabilising and it can feel to your brain, like it's a dangerous place to go to.

It might sound like a very extreme version of things, but I think there is a slight inclination, and some people can find, that if they don't have these metrics to ascribe their value to, then there is the question of what's the point?

And I think that that's a perfectly valid question. And I think that it's actually an important question for you to work out.

What is the point for you?

What are the things that you value?

What are the things that you treasure?

Who do you want to be out there in the world?

What do you think the world needs more of? What do you think the world needs less of that you work against?

And it can be really hard to reach and grab for those things when you are really struggling to put all the jigsaw together, and that's why I recommend trying to work on some of this stuff when you're not feeling like you've got to strive and explain who you are to yourself and to others.

It's a case of gathering this information around you and constantly reminding yourself why you do the stuff you do, why you progress through the stuff that's hard, why you work towards the goals that you're working towards.

Anchoring in on your why is gonna be the lifeboat when things get stormy. And if you are working against something that you've believed your whole life, a loss of identity is gonna feel pretty stormy.

Especially when we are not surrounded by models and examples as to how that's ever been done.

We are, let's remember the first generation, I believe, to be pushing against an awful lot of this stuff.

There is these underlying beliefs that we've had about being viewed according to our output, according to our aesthetics, according to how valuable we are to others.

All of this stuff are things that have wonderfully kept our species alive up until now, but some of the socialisation, arguably a lot of the socialisation, has been latched onto by people who make quite a lot of money outta making us feel like we're not doing the right thing, we're not doing good enough, and however much we do just isn't enough.

So if you wanna anchor yourself in your enoughness, that's gonna feel a little uncertain at times, and that is gonna feel very disorientating.

And that's why I think it is essential to have a good toolkit around you to try and manage some of the emotions, manage some of the confusion and grief that might come up around that, and to be able to navigate what it might take for you to release that idea that you have to have a sense of earning the right to exist.

You don't need to earn the right to exist. You are here. You are probably doing your best. Your best is gonna look different on different days and all of this stuff, however much you do, however much you achieve, you are still worthy of love, care, and compassion.

And if you believe that too, then you're someone who puts love, care, and compassion out in the world.

And damn it, we need more of that right now.

This is just your reminder this week, sometimes unlearning this stuff can feel so confusing. And that's normal. It's our brain trying to assimilate who we are now with all the things that we've been taught in the past.

These kind of messages are things that we learn to work through, and we work through a lot quicker with toolkit that are teach inside www.SelfCareSchool.co.uk There's loads of links to free resources in the show notes here, and I would just request a little ask from me. If you find these podcasts useful, would you mind sharing them with one friend or sharing them on social media? I spend a lot of time and effort trying to make sure that these huge ideas are simmered down to digestible chunks every week. In short, easy to digest formats, and I would love to be able to get these missives into more people's ears so they can have more days of more ease.

If you would like that too, please do share it. I'd be so grateful and I look forward to speaking to you next week.

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Navigating the Grief of Productivity – Finding Worth Beyond Achievements

In today’s fast-paced world, the grief of productivity is something many of us feel but rarely discuss. We’re so often measured not by our intrinsic worth but by our output: how much we achieve at work, how spotless our homes appear, or how perfectly we show up for our friends and family. Our society is saturated with messages tying self-worth to productivity, leaving us in a state of internal conflict when we question those values.

But what happens when you actively push back against this mindset? What does it mean to untangle your sense of self from your to-do list and career milestones? The journey away from equating your value with your productivity involves more than surface-level change — it’s a profound shift that can trigger real grief and confusion.

The Emotional Cost of Unlearning Productivity Culture

For many listeners — especially those seeking conscious living and personal development — rejecting decades of socialisation around output can feel destabilising. As HiLy describes, it’s normal to feel disoriented and even anxious when you lose these familiar benchmarks ("productivity guilt," "how to redefine self-worth beyond work," "unlearning hustle culture"). Without these metrics, a common question arises: Who am I? What’s the point?

This “loss” isn’t trivial; it can bring up genuine sadness for the identity you’re leaving behind. Many of us are left grasping to find new ways to measure meaning in our lives — and that’s where the real work begins.

Reframing Your Self-Worth: Asking the Right Questions

HiLy encourages us to gently interrogate what we truly value. Beyond career advancement or domestic perfection, the key is to ask: What do I treasure? Who do I want to be in the world? What does the world need more of — and less of? Finding clarity around these questions is essential for anyone looking to cultivate self-worth not based on achievement but on intrinsic qualities (“how to anchor self-worth,” “questions for personal growth,” “ways to value yourself without achievements”).

Importantly, HiLy recommends tackling these questions when you’re not in the throes of self-scrutiny. Instead, gather information, reflect regularly, and build a toolkit for managing the discomfort and grief that can arise.

The Importance of Having a Toolkit for Emotional Wellbeing

Moving beyond performance-based self-worth is not a solo journey.

HeardinLondon suggests forming a robust toolkit ("emotional wellbeing toolkit," "coping strategies for productivity anxiety") to help channel feelings of uncertainty, confusion and grief. This could include emotional management practices, self-compassion exercises, and resources such as www.SelfCareSchool.co.uk The process is ongoing, but anchoring in your personal “why” will be the lifeboat in stormy times.

“We are the first generation to push against so much of this,” HeardinLondon notes. Never before have we so collectively questioned the values handed down to us regarding output, aesthetics, and our worth to others. While these beliefs may have helped our species, she points out, they’ve also been amplified by industries profiting from our insecurities (“unlearning societal expectations,” “how advertising impacts self-worth,” “breaking free from productivity myths”).

You Don’t Need to Earn the Right to Exist

Perhaps the most powerful insight from this episode is the reminder that you do not need to earn your place in the world. You are here, you’re probably doing your best — and your best will look different on different days (“self-worth without achievement,” “accepting imperfection,” “how to feel enough”). Regardless of how much you do, you’re fundamentally worthy of love, care, and compassion. Practising and embodying these values in your everyday life not only helps you but also puts more empathy out into the world, which — as HiLy says — is something we all need, now more than ever.

Unlearning Productivity Is Confusing — and That’s Okay

If you’re deep in the process of unravelling your own productivity-driven identity, expect it to feel confusing. Your brain is simply trying to reconcile who you are now with the messages you’ve absorbed for years. HiLy reassures us: it’s totally normal for this transformation to take time, and the right resources can help you navigate more quickly and gently (“navigating identity shifts,” “resources for self-care,” “learning new self-worth models”).

If today’s episode resonated with you, why not share it with someone who might benefit? Podcasts like Spam Filter for Your Brain distil enormous concepts into digestible, relatable pieces — so more people can enjoy days with more ease.

Final Thoughts

Let this post be your gentle reminder: you are enough, right where you are. Unlearning productivity-based self-worth is messy, but by anchoring yourself in true values and compassion, you can find peace and fulfilment beyond your achievements. For more free self-care resources, check the show notes, and please consider sharing this episode with a friend.

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