Numbing Out (might not be the flex you think it is)
- HeardinLondon
- 12 hours ago
- 7 min read
Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 180
This week's little self-care cheat code is just spending a minute noticing how and where you numb out. What does numbing out look like for you specifically? And when you notice yourself going towards those old habits, what kind of things are you trying to avoid?
So what I mean by this is perhaps you know that you've got a habit of doom scrolling when you're feeling a bit uncomfortable, or maybe you find yourself disappearing off into Netflix, or maybe you find yourself at the bottom of a bag of crisps that you don't remember eating or there are definitely a cohort of people who, when they feel very uncomfortable or out of control, have very, very clean cupboards. What ways do you try and work out your emotions from your body rather than being willing to sit with them and work out what's going on?
And when you find yourself? In these modern day manifestations of fight, flight, freeze, fawn, I invite you to just spend a little moment registering what's going on, going, huh, I know that I'm trying to avoid something here, what is it that I'm trying to avoid? What is it that's going on for me that I'm not willing to sit and feel?
And that's all.
That's all I'm inviting you to do this week.
I think quite often we can have an idea that self-care and learning how to manage our mind and learning how to manage our emotions are great, big, enormous steps that are really agonising. And I think that there is a huge power in just noticing what's going on. Because the more that we train ourselves to be able to do that, the more we can go:
is there something I like? Is this something I want? Is this something I wanna keep? Is it something I wanna transform?
And this is a lot easier for you to be able to take that little next step and go, " okay, what am I trying to protect myself from? What feeling am I not willing to have? What thought is going on for me? What do I not want to have to deal with here?" When you can stop and notice the ways that you're trying to escape from it.
Because all of us know that numbing out probably isn't the best route out of where we are or further towards where we want to be, but it's something that is very natural, very human, and something that we all do.
Treating these kind of actions with just a gentle level of curiosity gives us more agency. And the more choices that we have about how we respond to things, the less things feel like a trap, the less we feel like we're stuck, and the less that we feel like we need to fight our way out the whole time.
I believe that learning how to navigate your emotions and learning to untangle some of the stuff that's going on in your head is the key way to avoid overwhelm.
I very rarely hear someone say that they feel extremely relaxed and well rested, thank you very much.
Most of us are holding so many things, and so having the skillset, being able to navigate what's going on in our heads and not disappearing off into these old survival tactics, is a really vital life skill for us to not lose hours that we could be spending doing things that we enjoy.
So this week's super simple, super quick task is when you find yourself doing the things that you don't necessarily want to be doing and things you criticise yourself for when you spend your time doing them, just have a little notice and go, " okay, what was going on for me there? What was the feeling that I didn't want to feel and what thought was causing that?"
If you wanna know those next steps of what to do with those thoughts and those feelings, that is obviously what I teach.
But if you just wanna start that noticing for now, you'll begin to form a map to the things in your life that could do with a bit more comfort and care.
I hope that that is a useful starting place this week. I'll be back next week. There's links in the show notes. Do take care of yourselves.
FAQ: How and Why We Numb Out – Insights from Episode 178 of "Spam Filter for Your Brain"
Quick Summary: 5 Key Takeaways
Numbing out is a natural, universal behavior (HiLy at 03:06)
Awareness is a powerful first step: Simply noticing when and how you numb creates more choice (HeardinLondon at 02:10)
Numbing often signals avoidance: It's a way to sidestep uncomfortable thoughts, emotions, or tasks (HeardinLondon at 01:31)
Small changes matter: Tiny acts of self-awareness can spark significant transformation over time (HeardinLondon at 02:18)
Gentle curiosity reduces self-criticism: Approaching habits compassionately gives us agency (HeardinLondon at 03:13)
How do I recognize when I’m numbing out?
It begins by paying attention to your go-to distractions—like doom scrolling or snacking—especially when an uncomfortable feeling arrives. Awareness is your first tool for understanding yourself.
You might notice you’re on autopilot with your phone or food, suddenly in a spotless room, or have lost track of time online. These habits are clues that numbing is at play (HeardinLondon at 00:23).
What are some common ways people numb out?
Numbing out can look like doom scrolling, binge-watching, comfort eating, or even obsessively cleaning. These are modern versions of fight, flight, freeze—manifestations of avoiding discomfort.
Common examples include:
Getting lost in social media (HeardinLondon at 00:23)
Streaming endless TV (HeardinLondon at 00:23)
Mindlessly eating snacks (HeardinLondon at 00:23)
Suddenly cleaning obsessively (HeardinLondon at 00:41)
Why do I numb out when I’m stressed or overwhelmed?
Numbing out is a natural reaction to overwhelming feelings—it’s our mind’s way of creating distance from pain, discomfort, or uncertainty.
You’re protecting yourself from something you’d rather not feel or face in the moment (HeardinLondon at 02:33). This helps you avoid overwhelm, at least temporarily.
How can I gently interrupt my numbing habits?
Start by noticing, not judging. Pause at the moment you catch yourself slipping into your pattern and simply ask: “What am I trying to avoid right now?” This light curiosity is your entry point to change.
Small approaches:
Pause and name the habit as it happens (HeardinLondon at 04:31)
Identify the feeling you’re avoiding (HeardinLondon at 04:35)
Note what thought sparked the feeling (HeardinLondon at 04:35)
Be kind to yourself in the process (HeardinLondon at 03:13)
Is numbing out always bad, or can it be helpful sometimes?
Numbing is not “bad”—it’s natural and human. HeardinLondon emphasizes that everyone does it, and it’s okay to recognize that without shame.
Treating it as information rather than failure allows you to gently shift your habits over time (HeardinLondon at 03:06).
What does HeardinLondon recommend as the first step?
Spend a minute simply noticing when you numb out and ask yourself, “What am I trying to avoid?” (HeardinLondon at 00:31)
The first step is self-awareness—noticing what, when, and how you escape discomfort. This forms your personal map for self-care and gentle change (HeardinLondon at 04:46).
How can noticing my numbing patterns help me long-term?
Awareness introduces choices. The more you practice noticing, the more agency and flexibility you’ll gain in responding differently (HeardinLondon at 03:20).
With time, you may transform old habits into healthier responses, reducing the sense of being “trapped” (HeardinLondon at 03:20).
What questions should I ask myself when I notice numbing out?
HeardinLondon suggests:
What am I trying to avoid?
What feeling am I not willing to have?
What thought is driving that feeling?
Is this something I want to keep, change, or let go? (HeardinLondon at 02:15)
Are there practical, quick steps I can try today?
Absolutely. When you spot yourself numbing, you can:
Pause for a breath—no judgment.
Name what you were about to do.
Ask, “What am I avoiding right now?”
Write down your answer (optional).
Move forward with new information.
Can numbing out be a sign of a deeper issue?
Frequent numb-out patterns can highlight areas needing comfort or care. If you find yourself repeatedly escaping uncomfortable feelings, it signals opportunities for self-compassion or support (HeardinLondon at 05:00).
How does gentle self-inquiry help reduce overwhelm?
Gentle curiosity gives you more ways to respond to stress—making things feel less like a trap or battle (HeardinLondon at 03:20). This, in turn, is HeardinLondon's key strategy for preventing overwhelm.
What if I still feel stuck even after noticing my patterns?
If you want to go deeper, HeardinLondon teaches next steps for transforming thoughts and feelings beyond basic awareness (HeardinLondon at 04:40). But simply starting with self-compassionate noticing is powerful in itself.
Actionable Tips: 3–5 Steps
Pause and notice: Next time you catch yourself numbing, interrupt gently with awareness (HeardinLondon at 01:17)
Name it: Play detective—ask what emotion, thought, or situation you’re avoiding (HeardinLondon at 02:33)
Stay curious, not critical: Replace judgment with open curiosity (HeardinLondon at 03:13)
Track your patterns: Consider noting when/why you numb out to spot trends (HeardinLondon at 04:46)
Choose your next step: Decide if you want to keep, transform, or release the pattern (HeardinLondon at 02:15)
5–8 Key Quotes
“What does numbing out look like for you specifically?” (HeardinLondon at 00:10)
“All of us know that numbing out probably isn’t the best route, but it’s very natural, very human, and something that we all do.” (HeardinLondon at 03:06)
“Treating these actions with just a gentle level of curiosity gives us some more agency.” (HeardinLondon at 03:13)
“What feeling am I not willing to have? What thought is going on for me?” (HeardinLondon at 02:33)
“Learning to untangle some of the stuff going on in your head is the key way to avoid overwhelm.” (HeardinLondon at 03:34)
“Just have a little notice and go, okay, what was going on for me there?” (HeardinLondon at 04:31)
“The more choices that we have about how we respond to things, the less things feel like a trap.” (HeardinLondon at 03:20)
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