Is Your To-Do List Just an Avoidance Strategy? Rethinking Busyness and Emotional Wellbeing
- HeardinLondon
- 1 day ago
- 7 min read
Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 155
What are you using your to-do list to avoid?
You may well have noticed that being oh so terribly busy and having the longest to-do list in the world is one of. The most socially acceptable avoidance strategies out there.
And I bet that you may possibly be prone to dabbling in that occasionally, and for sure most of us know that being really busy is just keeping us away from our feelings.
But even with that knowledge, very few of us have peeled back the curtain and gone, " okay, what am I actually avoiding here?"
If you don't allow yourself time to rest, if you don't allow yourself the time to listen and check in with yourself, and you never have time to breathe. If people ask you how you are and your answer is "busy", what you are doing, not how you actually are, there's a chance that you are not spending any time checking in with yourself and just listening to your own brain, your own emotions.
The brilliant thing about having endless lists is that we don't ever have space to check in with ourselves, our emotions, or any of the things that're bubbling underneath and maybe keeping us feeling a little bit stuck or feeling uncomfortable or the.
Frankly, stuff that we could probably do with working through, if we can keep ourselves busy enough, we don't have to deal with any of that discomfort whatsoever.
We can just carry on, be trying to be hyper-productive, hyper-productive, and doing all of the things that make us sound so exhausted that we couldn't possibly have time to look at any of our emotional wellbeing.
And I invite you to stop and pause and wonder if that's what you wanna be doing with your one precious life that we have.
Is it just a endless to-do list that probably is not gonna get done in our lifetime? Or is it someone who pauses and checks in with themselves and make sure that their decisions and their moves and their movements and that their relationships align with the things that are important to them, their values, their ethics, their morals, their stances, the things that step us through in, in a world to keep us being more of ourselves.
' Because you may have noticed that this idea of rest being something that we need to earn is probably not serving you very well. It's probably serving a whole load of systems that you don't agree with very much, and that you're probably actively trying to escape, if not work against. This hyper-productivity culture that we are what we do rather than just being worthy for existing, is something that is going to take active commitment to dismantle and especially all of that stuff that we have internalised for ourselves.
Rest is the most. Rest is an incredible form of resistance because it is saying that I am not just what I do, I'm not my output. I am a breathing mammal who deserves space, air time, joy, pleasure, and so many other things in between.
Reclaiming that sense of ownership over your own body and ownership over your own time is a rebellious act of self-care.
You don't need permission to earn rest. You don't need permission to be more of yourself, but you do have to decide for yourself because no one's gonna offer that for you.
This has been a short one this week 'cause I'd quite like you to go and have a rest. I hope it's been useful and I'll speak to you next week.
SpaceTreat rest like a priority – block off unstructured time in your diary, just as you would a meeting. Use this time to check in with yourself, not to accomplish another goal.
Practise Mindful Breathing: A moment to breathe deeply can offer clarity, reconnect you to your body, and help you notice emotions you might otherwise suppress under a mountain of productivity.
Reflect On Your Values: Ask yourself: are your daily actions and relationships aligned with your values and ethics? Let your priorities be shaped by what matters to you, not by societal pressure.
Challenge Productivity Culture: Remember, your worth is not tied to your endless to-do list. Celebrate small moments of joy and allow yourself rest without guilt.
Acknowledge What You’re Avoiding: It might feel scary at first, but gently ask yourself what feelings or realities you might be avoiding with constant busyness. Often, naming what you’re running from is the first step towards healing and self-compassion.
You Deserve More Than Endless Lists
As we wrap up, remember this: the most radical act you can take in today’s world is to reclaim your time, your energy, and your attention from the pressures of productivity culture. Rest is not a reward – it’s a right. It’s a declaration that you are valuable, independent of how much you accomplish.
So, take this gentle nudge from the latest episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain: make space to simply be. Notice the quiet beneath the busy. Step away from your to-do list, even for a short while. You might just discover the kind of clarity, joy, and self-possession that no ticked box can ever give you.
5 Key Takeaways:
Being “busy” can often mean avoiding feelings or introspection.
Rest isn’t something to be earned; it’s essential and rebellious self-care.
Endless to-do lists don’t lead to deep alignment with your values.
Reclaiming time is a powerful, personal act against productivity culture.
Hyper-productivity isn’t the path to meaning or happiness.
Actionable Tips (3-5 Steps):
Pause and check in with your emotions, not just your schedule.
Notice when you use your to-do list or busyness to avoid discomfort.
Schedule intentional rest and treat it as non-negotiable.
Reflect on whether your actions align with your core values.
Consider small acts of “rebellious” self-care, like saying no to unnecessary tasks.
Key Quotes:
“Rest is an incredible form of resistance.”
“If people ask how you are and your answer is ‘busy,’ you’re not really checking in with yourself.”
“You don't need permission to unrest.”
“Endless to-do lists keep us away from our feelings.”
“Reclaiming ownership of your time is a rebellious act of self care.”
“We are not our output; we are breathing mammals who deserve space, air, and joy.”
FAQ Section
How can I tell if I’m using my to-do list to avoid other issues?
You might be using your to-do list to dodge uncomfortable feelings or deeper questions about your life. Try noticing whether you always answer “busy” when asked how you’re doing, or if you never allow rest or introspection.
Expanded: If you never create time to pause, reflect, and breathe, you may be using tasks to distract yourself from emotions or questions that need attention. Hyper-productivity can often cover up discomfort.
Why is being busy such a socially acceptable avoidance strategy?
Society values productivity and busyness, often equating it to self-worth. This acceptance lets people avoid addressing emotional wellbeing while feeling accomplished.
Expanded: Most people praise lengthy to-do lists, without noticing the avoidance buried beneath. As HeardinLondon says, “Being oh so terribly busy and having the longest to-do list in the world is one of the most socially acceptable avoidance strategies out there.”
What happens if I never allow myself time to rest?
Chronic busyness can disconnect you from your emotions and prevent genuine self-awareness, leaving issues unresolved.
Expanded: As HeardinLondon notes, “If you don't allow yourself time to rest...you never have time to breathe.” The long-term result is emotional stagnation, dissatisfaction, and potential burnout.
Why does avoiding rest hurt my personal growth?
Not resting keeps you distracted and stuck in a cycle of avoidance, undermining reflection and growth.
Expanded: Rest gives space to recognise what’s meaningful and tune into your values. Without it, you miss alignment with your deepest beliefs and priorities.
How can I reclaim ownership of my time and energy?
Treat your time as a precious resource and intentionally schedule rest and reflection, even if it feels rebellious.
Expanded: HeardinLondon emphasises: “Reclaiming that sense of ownership over your own body and ownership over your own time is a rebellious act of self-care.” Block out downtime and protect it.
Is it necessary to “earn” rest, or can I just take it?
You don’t need permission or achievement to deserve rest; society’s notion of rest as something earned serves productivity culture, not you.
Expanded: HeardinLondon challenges: "Rest being something that we need to earn is probably not serving you very well." Shift your mindset—rest is your right, not a reward.
What can I do today to break the cycle of hyper-productivity?
Schedule intentional pauses for self-reflection, and question which tasks actually support your wellbeing.
Expanded: The steps:
Identify one recurring task you use to avoid feelings.
Replace it with a ten-minute personal check-in or restful activity.
Journal about the difference.
Repeat weekly and notice shifts.
How do I align my to-do list with my personal values?
Start by listing your core beliefs and review each task for alignment. Remove or delegate tasks that don’t support what truly matters.
Expanded: HeardinLondon asks, “Are your moves and relationships aligning with your values, ethics, morals?” Use your list to serve meaningful goals, not just busyness.
How do I answer “How are you?” beyond just saying “busy”?
Pause and assess your feelings, then share a truthful emotional state or something you’re working through.
Expanded: When someone asks, use it as a cue to check-in. “Busy” is a default; genuine answers foster deeper connection.
How can I spot patterns of avoidance fueled by my to-do list?
Look for recurring overwhelm or patterns of scheduling tasks during stressful times, and consider the underlying feelings you’re dodging.
Expanded: Are certain uncomfortable topics always deferred in favor of tasks? Notice and address those directly.
How does rest act as resistance to productivity culture?
Rest disrupts the norm that “we are what we do,” reclaiming your humanity beyond your output.
Expanded: Rest challenges systems telling us worth is productivity. “Rest is an incredible form of resistance...I am not just what I do, I'm not my output.”
What should I do next if I want to practice radical self-care?
Make rest a priority, reflect on whom your busyness serves, and decide for yourself how to spend your time.
Expanded: HeardinLondon closes the episode: “You don't need permission to unrest...But you do have to decide for yourself, because no one's going to offer that for you.”
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