I Just Can’t Let It Go

Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 121

This week I'm going to be talking about that phrase I think quite a lot of us use when we're really struggling with something. And that is the sort of default of, "I know what I should be doing, but I just can't seem to stop myself doing it". Or "I just keep doing this thing even though I know it's not useful" or "I know I shouldn't be thinking this, but I'm doing it anyway". These kind of a get out clauses, for we know what the right moral thing we should be thinking, saying or doing is, but we're not following up on it and our actions.

I just wanted to tiptoe the idea towards you that rather than bullying yourself with what you think you should be doing, how about just having a little moment of kindness and compassion for the fact that you haven't, you're not doing that thing that yet. You haven't been able to change the way that you're behaving or you're acting towards things. And maybe right now that's as much as you are able to give, or that's as far as you've got on this particular learning journey. And that's okay.

Because what I generally find is that people sort of say, well, "I should be..." or "I shouldn't be...", or "I just keep...." What they're doing is adding a layer of judgment onto the thing that hasn't been being responded to in a way that probably aligns with their politics or the way they see the world or the way they see themselves. And so then you have chip through this crust of judgment for not having done the thing that you want to be doing, or you think, you know, you are obliged to be doing before you can even address the actual issue itself.

Obviously, responding with kindness sounds like a nice little sound bite, but how do you actually do that? Well, this week I just wanted to leave you with a few questions that you can ask yourself when you catch yourself going something like, I don't know. I know I shouldn't be treating, I know I shouldn't be speaking to my body unkindly, but I just can't seem to stop doing it. Or I know I shouldn't be expecting that person to behave differently, but I just can't seem to let it go. Those kind of things. And these questions are really pokey. So allow yourself to sit with them and see what comes up for you.

But the first question is:

What are you getting out of this?

What are you holding onto this thing?

What is it allowing you?

What is it giving you?

What need is it fulfilling for you?

And the second question is:

What do you think letting go of it would give you? Because you have this narrative going on of "I should be...", or "I want to be...", or "I know this is a better way to doing it..." So what do you imagine letting go of it would give you that you're not getting now?

And the third question is:

What agreements would need to be broken in order for you to release the way that you are responding at the moment, the pattern that you're in, the things that you're creating? What agreements with yourself? What agreements with others? What agreements with society or your ancestors? What agreements would need to be broken in order for you to be able to release, doing the thing that you don't like your responses of to be, and allowing yourself the freedom to grow, change, and have a slightly different reaction next time.

If you'd like to talk through any of your responses, I'm always happy to help you work through some of the things that might have come up for you from some of these questions. And I'm just going to leave those, leave you with some homework this week to work through those things, and hopefully you'll find some useful stuff.

Just an extra little PS this week: If you have time and momentum, what would be super useful for me is if you would be willing to go into the podcast app, or ideally Apple podcasts, because they're the ones it makes the biggest difference for, and just leave lovely, tasty reviews for the podcast. The more people who engage with it, leave reviews and comments, the more ears I'm able to reach.

If you find this podcast useful, that is the most beautiful way to help me spread the message that it's here for people if they want it. So, if you're able to just leave a little review, that would be super useful. I appreciate your time. I hope the questions are useful. And I always hear if you'd like to work through some of this stuff more. I'll speak to you next week.