The Power of Thoughts: How Your Mind Creates Happiness
- HeardinLondon
- 6 days ago
- 10 min read
Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 176
What makes you happy?
Trick question. I don't think it's a thing that makes you happy. I think it's your thoughts that make you happy.
I am of the firm belief that our emotions are caused by our thoughts. And that can be a very empowering and very frightening thing all at the same time.
We can think that our emotions are just like little puddles that we fall into according to what's going on around us. But actually, I think that our emotions are caused by the stuff that's going on in our head.
You can probably think of a whole handful of examples of something that would make one person really happy; having a new car going out for the night, someone canceling on them and giving them a free evening, and that same thing, those exact same circumstances might make somebody else frustrated, miserable, anxious, disappointed.
The thing stays the same, but are thoughts about it change, and it is our thoughts that impacts what goes on on our body and all of these signals that we give a great big job title to, and we call emotions.
And this is really important to know, because our brains are really keen on telling us that if we change the external circumstances, if things were just a bit different, we would feel something different. But in truth, it's what we are thinking about the things that's gonna change the way that we feel.
So when I ask you what makes you happy, what it is more useful to think is to try and identify, okay, is happiness an emotion that I want here? Sounds like a silly question, but maybe it isn't. There's a whole load of things I don't wanna be happy about. Is happiness something that you're trying to aspire to here? And if it is, what do you think someone who was feeling happy in these circumstances might be thinking? Because once you've identified that, you can reverse engineer your way back there.
Happiness isn't like a block of cheese that you just take a slice of and you have and you take away and you have a little nibble of. Happiness is something that is generated from the way that we view the world. It is from our life experience, our thought, our ethics, our reasoning, a whole lot of things coming together that tell us as individuals, that this set of circumstances is the thing that generates a good feeling within our body.
And you can practice that. It's a muscle that you can build. It's something that you can decide on ahead of time.
So, for example, I have quite a busy work weekend this weekend, and I've decided that I'm gonna be really excited about it. I've decided that there's gonna be moments where I'm gonna be really happy about the fact that I've got all of these incredible opportunities and I get to work with such wonderful people.
Deciding that ahead of time means that , my brain, which is a little evidence collector, is gonna start looking for those circumstances around me and tell me, my brain's gonna tell me, these things are true. It's gonna start looking for all of those reasons when it is really incredible that I get to do this phenomenal work with such wonderful people. And the more I see that, the more I'm gonna be like, "huh, I was right and I am happy here. This is amazing."
There is also a chance that if I didn't decide that ahead of time, I could be at the whims of, "oh, well, my body isn't functioning quite in the way. That would be really useful under these circumstances. I'm very tired. I'm in a lot of pain, even though I am getting to do amazing things. If my body was different or if my life was different, I would be able to enjoy this more. I would be able to give more. I'd be able to get more out of it."
Now, none of those things are not true, but it just doesn't serve me in any way whatsoever to be focusing on them.
It's not that I'm denying that they're there, but I only have a certain amount of hours in the day, and I only have a certain amount of brain space, and I definitely only have a certain amount of energy. And what I give my attention and my focus to is the thing that causes my sensations in my body that I call my emotions.
And when I realize that I'm the director of the whole game, that I can just start plotting and planning this whole story ahead of me because I know what I want to feel in these circumstances. I can decide ahead of time how this story's gonna play out.
So this is just a little tidbit this week to help you just try and look rather than thinking if you have something that is coming up in your life and you're like, "I don't know how that's gonna play out", or "This is gonna be quite a tricky event", if you have the time and space, and I'd recommend you finding the time and space. Perhaps you could pause ahead of time and go, "you know what? I'm gonna decide how I feel here. I know what I want to be feeling here, and I can start practicing that stuff ahead of time."
Because when you are in the thick of it and everything else is going on, it's unlikely that you're gonna be able to come up with creative, fun, accessible thoughts as easily as you could do ahead of time.
So your game plan is. To think about what you might wanna feel, to think about what someone who was already feeling that might be thinking and start practicing it.
This is a strategy that I use over and over again in my life and I find super useful. If you would like to give it go. I'd love to hear how you're get on with it.
There are a whole load of very practical, simple tools and strategies that we teach, just like this inside www.SelfCareSchool.co.uk
If you would like to come along, have a look in the show notes. There's loads of resources there, and I hope to see you inside.
The Real Source of Happiness: Your Mindset, Not Your Circumstances
In everyday life, it’s easy to believe that external events—from buying a new car to getting a night out—are what spark joy. Yet, as HeardinLondon points out, what might make one person ecstatic could leave another feeling miserable, anxious, or disappointed ([00:00:43 – 00:00:57]). The “thing” stayed the same, but it’s our interpretation and thoughts about those events that decide how we feel.
Rather than letting ourselves be tossed about by the unpredictability of life, this episode encourages us to recognise the power of our own thoughts. If you’ve ever searched for how to cultivate a positive mindset, or ways to feel happier in everyday life, you’ll find that the true secret is in the stories we tell ourselves.
Happiness is a Muscle—Practice Makes Progress
So, can you really become happier just by thinking differently? According to HiLy, absolutely! Happiness isn’t like a block of cheese you can slice off and nibble ([00:02:20 – 00:02:27]). It’s the result of your personal worldview, ethics, life experience, and reasoning—a blend unique to you. If you’re after simple tools to increase happiness naturally or practical strategies to build emotional resilience, this episode offers brilliant insight.
You can consciously decide to focus on positive aspects, even before the event happens. For example, HiLy shares her approach towards a busy work weekend, choosing to be excited and grateful for the opportunities rather than dwelling on discomfort or fatigue ([00:03:01 – 00:04:00]). This proactive thinking primes the brain to notice positive outcomes and evidence, creating a reinforcing cycle of joy. It’s a fantastic technique for anyone looking for ways to create happiness at work, mindfulness strategies for positivity, or how to set intentions for emotional wellbeing.
Intentional Focus: The Ultimate Spam Filter for Your Brain
Life is full of distractions, worries, and “what-ifs.” But, as HeardinLondon reminds us, our focus is limited, so choosing what to pay attention to is crucial ([00:04:29 – 00:05:08]). When you’re mindful about what you want to feel and plan those thoughts ahead, you’re less likely to be caught off guard by a tough situation. Practising those thoughts in advance, like a rehearsal, enables you to respond with more creativity and kindness when challenges arise. Try this technique if you’re searching for stress management tips for busy people, setting positive intentions ahead of challenging events, or how to increase emotional agility.
A Game Plan for Happiness—Practical Steps
Rather than waiting for circumstances to change, what if you decided how you wanted to think and feel today? Here’s a simple, actionable process inspired by HeardinLondon:
Identify Your Desired Emotion: Is happiness what you want? Sometimes, it’s not the best fit for every situation ([00:01:55 – 00:02:01]).
Reverse Engineer Your Thoughts: Ask, “What would a happy person be thinking in these circumstances?” ([00:02:04 – 00:02:10])
Start Practising: When you have time and space, run through those thoughts ahead of time and get comfortable with them, just as you would rehearse a presentation ([00:05:08 – 00:05:47]).
Direct Your Attention: Limit your focus to thoughts that serve you, acknowledging but not dwelling on discomfort or negative aspects ([00:04:13 – 00:04:19]).
Try It Yourself—And Find Your Happiness
This approach isn’t about ignoring reality or pretending everything is perfect. It’s about using your mental energy wisely and practising emotional skills. As HiLy shares, this strategy has been invaluable for building her own happiness and emotional resilience ([00:05:47]). If you want to explore more effective self-care tools for positive thinking, or build your own habits for mental wellbeing—why not give it a go? HeardinLondon even extends an invitation to join her Self Care School, where you can learn more practical strategies.
Curious to learn more? Listen to Episode 175 of Spam Filter for Your Brain and discover actionable tips to shift your mindset, foster happiness, and take control of your emotional game plan—with warmth, wit, and a dash of British practicality.
Quick Summary: 5 Key Takeaways from "What Makes You Happy" (HeardinLondon)
Emotions stem from thoughts: Happiness is generated internally by our perspective, not by external events.
Mindset matters: You can decide ahead of time how you want to feel in upcoming situations.
Practice is powerful: Treat happiness like a muscle that can be conditioned and strengthened over time.
Attention shapes emotion: Where you focus your mind profoundly impacts how you feel.
Proactive strategies help: Planning your desired emotions and practicing relevant thoughts leads to better outcomes.
FAQ: What Makes You Happy? Insights from Spam Filter for Your Brain Podcast 175
How do our thoughts influence our happiness?
Short Answer:Our thoughts directly create our emotions, meaning happiness isn't caused by external events, but by how we interpret and think about them.
Full Explanation:According to HeardinLondon, "our emotions are caused by our thoughts" 00:20. The same situation can spark joy in one person and frustration in another, depending on their mindset. Recognizing this allows us to actively shape our emotional responses.
Can you choose to feel happy in difficult circumstances?
Short Answer:Yes, you can intentionally decide to approach situations with happiness, even when external circumstances aren't ideal.
Full Explanation: HeardinLondon shares that she pre-decides to be excited for a busy weekend and looks for reasons to be happy, which helps her feel that emotion more consistently (03:01). This conscious choice steers the mind to collect evidence supporting happiness.
What practical steps can I take to feel happier more often?
Short Answer:Identify what thoughts lead to happiness, practice them ahead of time, and intentionally shift your focus to positive aspects of situations.
Actionable Steps:
Recognize the emotion you'd like to feel.
Ask yourself, "What would someone who feels happy think in this scenario?"
Practice these thoughts before entering the situation.
Redirect attention to positive elements as things unfold.
Reflect on your experiences and adjust as needed.
Why doesn’t changing external circumstances guarantee happiness?
Short Answer:External changes alone don't create happiness because it's your internal interpretation (thoughts) that drives emotional experience.
Full Explanation: HeardinLondon explains, "The thing stays the same, but our thoughts about it change" (01:07). Even with improved circumstances, without shifting your mindset, your emotions might remain unchanged.
How do I proactively plan for positive emotions?
Short Answer:Decide in advance how you want to feel about an event. Practice thinking thoughts that align with your desired emotion.
Actionable Steps:
Anticipate upcoming situations that challenge you.
Choose how you want to feel (e.g., happy, confident).
Script thoughts that match those feelings.
Rehearse these thoughts before the moment arrives.
Can I really "practice" being happy?
Short Answer:Yes, happiness is like a muscle you build—it gets easier and stronger the more you use it intentionally.
Evidence:"It’s a muscle that you can build. It's something that you can decide on ahead of time." (02:56)
What should I do when my body or life circumstances make happiness harder?
Short Answer:Acknowledge challenges without dwelling on them and choose to direct limited energy to helpful, uplifting thoughts.
Full Explanation: HeardinLondon admits, "I'm very tired, I'm in a lot of pain" (03:54), yet she focuses on positives. She notes it "doesn't serve me in any way whatsoever to be focusing on" the negatives.
How do I know what thoughts will help me feel happier?
Short Answer:Imagine what a happy person would think in your shoes and try those thoughts on.
Actionable Steps:
Identify a role model or ideal version of yourself.
List thoughts or beliefs they'd hold.
Practice adopting these perspectives in your daily life.
What if I feel like I can’t control my emotions?
Short Answer:It’s normal to sometimes feel swept up, but you can reclaim some control by pausing, reflecting, and resetting your thoughts strategically.
Full Explanation: HeardinLondon suggests: "If you have time… you could pause ahead of time and decide how you feel here" (05:08). Preparation increases your chances of emotional control.
Why is it important to focus my attention intentionally?
Short Answer:What you focus on directly shapes your emotional state. Deliberately choosing where your attention goes helps generate more desirable emotions.
Key Quote:"What I give my attention and my focus to is the thing that causes my sensations in my body that I call my emotions." (04:29)
Are there any simple tools or resources to help with these practices?
Short Answer:Yes! HeardinLondon offers practical tools and additional support through Self Care School and resources in the show notes.
Should I always try to be happy?
Short Answer:Not necessarily. HiLy clarifies that "there's a whole load of things I don't want to be happy about" (01:58). Choose emotions appropriate to the context, rather than forcing happiness.
Key Quotes (Citable Insights)
"I am of the firm belief that our emotions are caused by our thoughts." (00:20)
"The thing stays the same, but our thoughts about it change." (01:07)
"Happiness isn’t like a block of cheese that you just take a slice of and you have... Happiness is something that is generated from the way that we view the world." (02:20)
"It’s a muscle that you can build." (02:56)
"What I give my attention and my focus to is the thing that causes my sensations in my body that I call my emotions." (04:29)
"You can decide ahead of time how this story is going to play out." (04:47)
"It's not that I'm denying [the negatives], but I only have a certain amount of hours in the day and I only have a certain amount of brain space and I definitely only have a certain amount of energy." (04:19)
Actionable Tips and Steps for Practicing Happiness
Pre-plan your emotions: Before stressful events, script your desired feelings and supporting thoughts.
Practice perspective shifting: When challenges rise, notice negative thoughts and guide your mind toward a more productive perspective.
Reflect on results: After practicing, honestly assess how your mood and experience were impacted—adjust and try again.
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