What Matters Most
- HeardinLondon
- Feb 26
- 8 min read
Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 171
What's your one big question?
When you look at this year and things starting anew and things can start anew wherever you are, you could be listening to this in the middle of the year, it would still be relevant. What is the thing that's most important to you?
I found this to be a really good track on my values and my systems, and just as a little litmus test, as a barometer for the things that are important to me, and that is to hone in on one question that I want to bring to myself at the end of everything that I do.
If I put a little skewer through the middle of it, that it always comes down to this one question. " Am I bringing love here?"
I realised several years ago that I wanted the question to be, "did I love well?", At the end of my life, that is the question that I want to keep honing in on, to myself and to others and to be accountable for this.
And this might not be your question. It might not be your fire. But thinking honestly about that deathbed question, what is important to you? What is the thing that you want to be able to answer with your full chest? That you wanna be able to answer well? To know who you are as a person? What is that thing for you? And how can you make that into something that you can refine into bringing into your everyday?
So if your Deathbed question happens to be that you want people to remember you as an honest person. Are there things going on in your everyday life where you know that you could answer that with your full chest and know that that is who you are and that's who you are being here? If your deathbed question is that you want to be someone who was a good family member, are the relationships within your family around you right now that frankly you could do with dropping the old story on and being the person who steps up to create peace?
Is your deathbed story someone who you want to be able to go: "I'm someone who, who helped other people?", Are there things in your everyday life right now where you can see that someone needs help and actually. It isn't something that you've been stepping up to do and it is something that the deathbed, you would probably thank you for prioritising.
What are the things that you wanna come home to? Is the essence of your life as who you are, and how can you weave that into your everyday life as a, as a narrative?
It is morbidly, something that I think about a lot, but I think about it a lot as someone who, I believe stands from the rare position of not being too worried about death.
I think that this is a cracking game and I've had a good go at it. And weirdly, someone will be listening to this after I'm dead and think this is all very prophetic.
I know that it's coming. I know that that will happen to me and I'm not that interested in trying to dodge it or pretend that it isn't gonna be on the horizon.
But I also want to prepare for it.
One of the probably few trepidations that I have is that idea of being filled with my last moments being regret. And I want to prevent that at every stage, so that I build a life where I know that I'm being authentic and true to the kind of values and ethics and things that I wanna put out into the world.
And that's what I try and do with most of my movements. Don't always get it right, but that is what I try and aim at.
And if that idea of a future feeling a little bit ominous to you or just not knowing what things might look like, centering yourself on who you wanna be as a person and what you wanna be putting out there in the world is a really good barometer to keep checking yourself against and the decisions that you make.
And it makes everyday trials, tribulations and confusion seem a lot more clear, when you have that kind of clarity of a question that you can ask yourself to measure the kind of results that you think that you're getting and the things that you're creating in the world against.
So that's something that shall just leave you with this week.
If you wanna let me know what your great big question is, I'd love to hear some varieties on what is important to you and what you cherish and what you want your, your lasting impact on the world to be.
My heart is nurtured and nourished by answers to things like that. So do drop me an email, let me know, that kind of thing.
And. If that's something you just wanna work on yourself or work on with somebody else, I'd be very happy to try and hone down what that question might be for you.
I hope that your week is full of love and delight, and I will speak to you next week.
The One Big Question: How to Live a Life True to Your Values – Insights from “Spam Filter for Your Brain”
Every new year – or honestly, any random Tuesday that happens to feel like a fresh start – invites us to ask ourselves the big questions. What truly matters to me? How do I measure my day-to-day actions against my deepest priorities? In episode 170 of the “Spam Filter for Your Brain” podcast, host HeardinLondon shares a gentle but powerful approach to aligning your life with what you cherish most.
If you’ve ever found yourself searching for advice on how to clarify your personal values, or you’re curious about finding your “one big question” that guides your decisions, keep reading. This post unpacks HeardinLondon's wisdom, exploring ways to weave those big existential questions into the fabric of your everyday life.
The Power of Your Deathbed Question
As HeardinLondon reflects at the start of episode 170, there’s something deeply grounding about thinking ahead to your deathbed moment. Morbid? Maybe a bit – but as she explains, it’s far less about fearing death and far more about avoiding regret.
Ask yourself: If I looked back on my life, what’s the one question I’d want to answer with confidence? For HeardinLondon, it crystallises into: “Did I love well?” That’s the personal litmus test. Every action, every relationship, every project – all skewered with that single guiding inquiry. It’s the kind of question that says more about your life’s narrative than any job title or bank balance ever could.
How to Find and Refine Your “Big Question”
Whether you’re looking for life guidance for self-reflection or searching for questions to help you shape your legacy, the process is universal. HeardinLondon encourages everyone to pick the one question that, if asked at the end of it all, would make their heart swell with honesty.
Is it “Was I an honest person?”
“Did I bring peace to my family?”
“Did I help others?”
By choosing your core question, you’re not just clarifying your values. You’re setting yourself up with a daily compass, a barometer against which you measure not just the big events, but the little choices – those moments that, together, become your story.
Weaving Your Values into Everyday Life
So, once you’ve discovered that pivotal question, what next? HiLy advocates for an ongoing, gentle self-examination: Does my life today reflect the answer I want for that question?
If you crave honesty, check: Are your daily interactions guided by truthfulness?
If you value family connection, ask: Is there a relationship needing peace, where you could step up and make a difference?
If helping others is your focus, spot the places where someone might need your hand – and say yes.
It’s not about perfection. HeardinLondon is candid about her own imperfection, urging listeners to use their question as “a barometer” rather than a harsh judge. The beauty is in the refining, not the arriving.
Finding Clarity When the Future Looks Murky
The world throws curveballs, and sometimes the future feels ominous. When that happens, returning to your “one big question” brings clarity to confusion. Those everyday tribulations make sense when held up to your unique moral yardstick.
If you’re feeling unmoored and searching for the best ways to centre yourself during uncertainty, let your question be the anchor. The clearer you are about who you want to be, the easier it is to make choices that support that identity.
Share Your One Big Question – Nourish Your Heart
HeardinLondon's closing invitation is simple and touching. If you’ve found your question, or even if you’re still searching, sharing it can be a way to connect and deepen its impact. Whether you work it through in private, with a friend, or drop her an email, articulating your answer helps it settle in your soul.
She leaves listeners with hope for a week full of love and delight, reminding us all that clarity is not just possible, but nurturing.
Quick Summary: 5 Key Takeaways from “Your one big question” (Spam Filter for Your Brain)
Asking yourself a “one big question” helps clarify values and priorities.
Reflecting on life’s end (the “deathbed question”) can guide daily actions and decisions.
HeardinLondon encourages listeners to identify and focus on what matters most to them.
Integrating that question into everyday life leads to authenticity and less regret.
Sharing your personal question fosters connection and accountability.
FAQ Section
How do I discover my “one big question” for life?
Start by reflecting on what’s fundamentally important to you. HeardinLondon suggests the question should be one you’d want to answer with conviction at your life’s end. Consider values, relationships, honesty, and legacy as anchors for your question.
Action Steps:
Spend time journaling about moments of pride or regret.
Ask yourself, “What would I want to proudly answer on my deathbed?”
Discuss with a trusted friend or coach for perspective.
What is a “deathbed question” and why does it matter?
A “deathbed question” is a guiding principle that you’d want to have answered well at the end of your life—e.g., “Did I love well?” It matters because it steers daily actions towards genuine priorities and minimises future regret.
Key Insight:
“Thinking honestly about that deathbed question, what is important to you?” – HeardinLondon
How can I use the one big question as a daily litmus test?
Apply your big question to decisions, interactions, and challenges. Ask yourself if each action brings you closer to living your answer.
Action Steps:
Write your question somewhere visible.
Pause before major decisions to check alignment.
Reflect weekly: did you live up to your question?
What examples of “one big question” does HeardinLondon offer?
Examples include:
“Am I bringing love here?”
“Did I love well?”
“Was I an honest person?”
“Did I help others?”
“Was I a good family member?”
Key Quote:
“If I put a little skewer through the middle… it always comes down to this one question: Am I bringing love here?” – HeardinLondon
What if I’m unsure about my own big question?
Start with an area where you feel strongest emotions—pride, regret, hope. It’s normal not to have instant clarity; refining your question may take weeks or months.
Action Steps:
Try several versions and see which feels true.
Notice where your energy and attention naturally go.
Revisit the question regularly and revise.
How do I integrate my big question into everyday life?
Turn your question into a daily or weekly practice. Look for opportunities to embody it in work, relationships, and self-care.
Key Quote: “How can you make that into something that you can refine into bringing into your everyday?” – HeardinLondon
Does focusing on a big question reduce regret?
Yes. HeardinLondon shares that aiming to avoid end-of-life regret motivates authenticity and intentional living.
Key Insight:
“I want to prevent [regret] at every stage so that I build a life where I know I am being authentic…” – HeardinLondon
What are actionable steps to identify my most important value?
List your top 5 personal values.
Prioritise which would matter most at your life’s end.
Choose one and try using it as a guiding question.
How can sharing my big question help me?
It builds accountability and strengthens relationships. HeardinLondon invites listeners to share their questions, finding connection and inspiration in hearing others’ journeys.
Key Insight:
“My heart is nurtured and nourished by answers to things like that.” – HeardinLondon
Can I change my big question over time?
Absolutely. Growth and changing circumstances can refine your guiding question. HeardinLondon models openness to evolving practice and perspective.
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