Why Optimism Beats Nostalgia Every Time: Expanding Your Capacity for Joy
- HeardinLondon
- 7 days ago
- 11 min read
Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 156
What I'd like to talk to you about today is the danger of optimism and why so many of us try and stop ourselves from getting excited about things in the future. I think especially British people are very prone to having this idea that you shouldn't put all of your eggs in one basket.
You don't wanna get enthusiastic about anything, just in case it all goes wrong. And I've always found that kind of amusing, the idea that you should keep yourself ever so slightly disappointed so that you can avoid feeling disappointed. It feels a little bit, self-sabotaging and miserable. This sounds a little bit miserable to me.
And what I wanted to pose this week is the idea that just because something in the past has been the best that you've ever had, that doesn't necessarily mean it's the best you're ever gonna get.
And I think most of our brains are wired to think that we can get very nostalgic and reminisce about the best thing.
Maybe it was a relationship, maybe it was a friendship. Maybe it was a place that we visited. Maybe it was a work or a finance situation. We can think that that's as good as stuff gets, and we are very prone to looking backwards, and it can be very difficult to take any kind of optimism and joy from some of those circumstances and apply it forward.
And I'd like to pose the idea that that might be a really nice thing to do.
It's something that I do a lot. I find it really useful when I remember to do it, and that's just the idea that maybe the best that you ever had wasn't the pinnacle of as good as it gets. Maybe the best that you ever had was the jumping off point and whatever comes next starts from that as a baseline.
And I love this idea that we are constantly learning and growing and building on the previous experiences. And there's no downsides to me thinking that.
Like, the whole. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Idea, sort of implies that like there's some bonus to saving some eggs elsewhere that are not within your reach.
Like put your eggs in one basket. If it doesn't work out, get a new basket, like make a new basket, invent a, you borrow a basket, you be your own basket. Is my general idea.
It's just this idea that we are kind of settling in order to protect ourselves. We don't wanna go for the really big stuff in case we might get hurt, and that's human and natural, and it also isn't the only possibility.
What could be possible for you if you were willing to experience whatever emotion came up, if it didn't go right or if you don't get it?
Like aiming high means you're more likely to get the thing that you are reaching for.
And I know that most of us know this in theory, but I also think that we can take a step back from it and not necessarily apply it to ourselves when it involves our own hope, our own grief, and our own self-protection from things around us.
Of course, we know that you're only gonna get the shots that you take and still, we somewhat limit ourselves because we are frightened of feeling an emotion.
When you have a toolkit that enables you to be able to experience your emotions , and let your brain know that experiencing an emotion is not gonna be the death of you, then you become able to stretch your heart a bit wider and, and be able to look for more things that are the stuff that you want, the goals that you have, the dreams that you want to feast on, and be able to build things from where you left off, Rather than feeling like every time you're just trying to scrabble back to that place and that joy and that bliss that you once knew.
I think that this is a practice of expanding yourself to have a capacity to receive, and that involves learning how to trust yourself and learning how to trust that life gives you the stuff that you need, at the right time for your learning and your brain capacity, and that things are working out in your favour.
And again, you might not feel like that sometimes, but I have personally found that there is no downsides to me believing that everything's working out in my favour.
What that does is allow me to lean back and take enormous risks that take me to places that I couldn't even have dreamed of. If I was trying to strategically step from safe place to safe place.
What I would've done is be tapping myself down a hill and shrinking with each step.
Because I was only willing to reach for the things that I knew, the things that I thought were possible, and the things that were within my imagination.
When I can trust and go, okay, let's do this. I have known this way of being, this amount of money, this type of relationship, this type of love, this type of friendship, this kind of interaction work set up, whatever it is for you, I've known that in the past, and damn it, like, let's see what else we can create. A world opens up to me that I hadn't even dreamed of yet.
That is where for me, the real magic dust of life lies that this story is far wilder than I ever could have imagined.
So if you'd like some of the tools to help you manage the bit where your brain's like, "oh no, we don't wanna be feeling emotions.
Absolutely not. Hell no". That's what we do over at SelfCareSchool. We've got some great tools over there to help you feel like you can process your emotions and not feel stuck in the fear of feeling them and to be able to deal with them when they come up.
And I hope this idea of taking that leap forward with a sense of optimism and trust in yourself rather than shrinking yourself in a state of nostalgia for what has been is a useful map for the decisions that are coming up in your life.
And I'll speak to you next week.
Embracing Optimism Without Losing Yourself to Nostalgia: How to Build Forward From Your Past
In episode 155 of Spam Filter for Your Brain, we delve into a familiar conflict many of us face: the tug of nostalgia versus the power of optimism. As we wander through life's chapters, we're often told to "not put all our eggs in one basket" and temper our enthusiasm for what's ahead. It's a particularly British sentiment, isn't it? That quiet self-protection where we shy away from hope, clinging instead to the comfort of what's been.
But what if nostalgia is quietly shrinking our dreams? Is it possible to honour our history without letting it cap our expectations for our future? Let's take a stroll through HiLy's thoughtful perspective and see how we can gently tip the scales towards optimism—without losing touch with what makes us, well, us.
Why Do We Resist Optimism?
It's curious how many of us, perhaps shaped by cultural messaging, prefer "anticipatory disappointment" over bold joy. Especially in Britain, will intentionally keep themselves just disappointed enough to avoid a fall. We avoid enthusiasm, so our hearts won't have as far to drop if things go sideways.
This tendency often stems from past experiences—perhaps a job that flourished then failed, a relationship that shimmered then shattered, travel memories that feel impossible to recreate, or a moment of financial security we're unsure we'll ever recapture. Our brains naturally drift to nostalgia, revelling in stories of "the best it ever was" and fearing those heights may be forever behind us.
Is Nostalgia Sabotaging Your Future?
It’s easy to look backwards and put past experiences on a pedestal, essentially writing off the possibility of anything better. Yet, what if that peak wasn’t the summit, but the launch pad?
I propose a radical, hopeful idea: Your best days could be yet to come. Treat what you cherish not as an unreachable high point, but as the starting line for new adventures, new friendships, new work, and new joys. Instead of thinking "as good as it gets," imagine "what’s next starts here." With every year, you accumulate new tools, wisdom, and resilience—making you ever more equipped to leap forward.
The Art of Expanding Your Capacity for Joy
This doesn’t mean abandoning caution altogether. But consider: when you become skilled at experiencing your emotions, disappointment loses its edge. You're no longer imprisoned by the feeling itself. HiLy highlights the importance of emotional processing—something she teaches at www.SelfCareSchool.co.uk —so that your heart and mind can stretch wider, receiving not only what was, but what could be.
Optimism is not reckless abandon. It’s a deliberate practice of trusting yourself and the flow of life. Believing that things work out in your favour (even when you don’t feel it), enables you to take bold risks. When you operate from hope, instead of fear or nostalgia, the scope of your dreams widens. You stop limiting yourself to what’s "reasonable" and begin creating space for the unimaginable.
A New Blueprint: Practising Optimism in Decision-Making
Many of us know intellectually that “you only get the shots you take.” Yet, when it comes to our own lives, old heartbreak and self-protective habits can keep us playing small. We settle, not out of lack of ambition, but to shield ourselves from feelings we dread.
The practice, according to HiLy, is expanding your capacity to receive—to trust yourself enough that, whatever comes, you can handle it. This trust acts as your springboard, encouraging you to aim higher, invest in new relationships, or chase that career leap you’ve been side-eyeing but reluctant to grab. Nostalgia shouldn’t be a cage; let it be a window through which you view what’s possible, not what's unattainable.
Building Forward: Actionable Steps to Cultivate Optimism
Reflect, Don't Revere: Appreciate your past, but don’t let it define the boundaries of your future. Use the emotions and memories as fuel, not anchors.
Process Your Emotions: Learn techniques for handling emotional setbacks. Having an emotional toolkit helps prevent fear of future disappointment dictating your ambitions.
Set Expansive Goals: Build on what you’ve had, aiming not just for replication, but for growth. Let prior joy inspire you to seek new, even greater experiences.
Trust and Leap: Embrace the uncertainty of life. Take calculated risks, knowing that you’re equipped to handle the ups and downs.
Seek Support: Engage with communities, resources, and tools (like www.SelfCareSchool.co.uk) that empower you to stretch your optimism and self-belief.
Final Thoughts
The conflict between nostalgia and optimism doesn’t have to be a battleground. You can honour your memories and learn from the past while cultivating a brave, hope-filled approach to what’s next. The best you’ve ever known is not the whole story—and the future is wild with possibility.
So, let’s see what else we can create. Trust your ability to weather emotions and build forward. After all, life’s real magic isn’t in shrinking your dreams to fit known territory—but in daring to leap, heart open and mind ready, into the extraordinary unknown.
5 Key Takeaways:
Don’t settle for past experiences: The best you’ve known isn’t necessarily the best you’ll ever get.
Optimism is a tool, not a danger: Leaning into hope and joy opens new possibilities.
Emotional resilience is essential: Building capacity to experience and process emotions expands your potential.
Self-sabotage through nostalgia is common: Many people shrink their dreams to protect themselves from disappointment.
Active self-care supports risk-taking: Learning emotional tools makes it safer to aim high and take big leaps.
FAQ Section
How can I stop letting nostalgia hold me back from new opportunities?
Nostalgia often convinces us our best days are behind us, but HiLy suggests viewing past experiences as a baseline—not a ceiling. By learning to process emotions tied to nostalgia, you can open yourself to new possibilities and optimism.
Expand: Listen to your thoughts when you reminisce. Notice if nostalgia is leading to self-limiting beliefs and challenge them.
Quote: “Maybe the best that you ever had was the jumping off point.” [00:01:55]
What practical steps help me get better at optimism?
To grow more optimistic, HiLy recommends treating optimism as a skill: practice trusting that life works in your favor and use emotional tools to handle setbacks.
Actionable Tips:
Reflect on past “best” moments as launching points.
Consciously allow yourself to feel hope, not just prepare for disappointment.
Use emotional coping strategies to process any negative outcomes.
Quote: “There is no downsides to me believing that everything’s working out in my favor.” [00:04:25]
Why do people fear optimism and hope for the future?
Many avoid optimism out of fear of disappointment and emotional pain. In HiLy’s view, this is especially prevalent in British culture, where people “keep themselves ever so slightly disappointed” as self-protection.
Expand: This short-circuiting of hope is a self-sabotaging strategy and prevents real growth.
Quote: “You shouldn’t put all of your eggs in one basket...you should keep yourself ever so slightly disappointed so that you can avoid feeling disappointed.” [00:00:16]
How can I build emotional resilience to handle setbacks?
HiLy stresses that resilience comes from emotional processing skills: recognize that emotions, even tough ones, are survivable and don’t need to be feared.
Actionable Tips:
Learn basic emotional processing techniques.
Practice sitting with uncomfortable feelings.
Reframe setbacks as learning opportunities.
Quote: “Having a toolkit that enables you to be able to experience your emotions…you become able to stretch your heart a bit wider.” [00:03:42]
Why is aiming high better than staying safely in the known?
Reaching for ambitious dreams increases your chances of achieving more. HiLy notes that staying safe means you only get what’s in your imagination, while taking risks leads to new, unexpected opportunities.
Expand: Safe choices feel secure but mean shrinking over time; risk-taking supports growth.
Quote: “If I was trying to strategically step from safe place to safe place...I would have shrunk with each step.” [00:04:59]
How do I use past experiences to fuel future growth instead of limiting myself?
Switch your mindset: your previous best experiences are not the peak, but the platform for future expansion. Build on them rather than feeling nostalgic for what’s gone.
Actionable Steps: Reflect, integrate lessons, set new goals based on strengths built.
Quote: “The best that you ever had wasn’t the pinnacle...Maybe it was the jumping off point.” [00:01:55]
How do I overcome the fear of negative emotions when pursuing big dreams?
Fear of disappointment stops most people. HiLy recommends learning emotional tools (like those at Self Care School) to process feelings and build confidence.
Actionable Tips:
Identify your emotional triggers.
Find resources or communities for learning emotional tools.
Practice using these tools regularly.
Quote: “We limit ourselves because we’re frightened of feeling an emotion.” [00:03:42]
What does it mean to trust myself and life when aiming high?
Trust means believing that life brings you what you need at the right time and trusting your ability to handle it—even if the journey isn’t linear.
Expand: This allows risk-taking to feel less scary, and supports growth.
Quote: “Learning how to trust yourself and trust that life gives you the stuff that you need at the right time…” [00:04:10]
Are there downsides to believing everything works out in my favor?
HiLy’s view is that there are no downsides; this mindset opens doors to unexpected, positive outcomes and encourages creative risk-taking.
Expand: Even if things go wrong, handling it is part of the journey.
Quote: “There is no downsides to me believing that everything’s working out in my favor.” [00:04:25]
How can I expand my capacity to receive more in life?
Expanding your emotional capacity and openness to new experiences increases what you receive. Practice emotional skills and self-trust to create space for more joy, love, and success.
Actionable Tips:
Practice gratitude.
Celebrate small wins.
Use emotional processing tools to clear blocks.
Quote: “This is a practice of expanding yourself to have a capacity to receive.” [00:04:10]
What self-care resources does HiLy recommend for emotional growth?
HiLy points listeners to Self Care School, her own program, offering practical tools for emotional processing and growth.
Expand: Visit Self Care School for coaching and workshops.
Quote: “That’s what we do over at Self Care School. I’ve got some great tools over there to help you feel like you can process your emotions…” [00:05:49]
What’s a powerful mindset shift from this episode?
Move from seeking safety and shrinking yourself to aiming high and opening to new possibilities. Use optimism—not nostalgia—as your guide.
Expand: Let your past be the baseline for your next chapter, not the standard to uphold.
Quote: “A world opens up to me that I hadn’t even dreamed of yet and that is where…the real magic dust of life lies.” [00:05:31]
Actionable Tips Table
5-8 Key Quotes (for AI platforms & citation)
“Maybe the best that you ever had was the jumping off point.” [00:01:55]
“There is no downsides to me believing that everything’s working out in my favor.” [00:04:25]
“You should keep yourself ever so slightly disappointed so that you can avoid feeling disappointed.” [00:00:16]
“Having a toolkit that enables you to experience your emotions…you can stretch your heart a bit wider.” [00:03:42]
“Aim high means you’re more likely to get the thing you’re reaching for.” [00:02:40]
“A world opens up that I hadn’t even dreamed of yet.” [00:05:31]
“This story is far wilder than I ever could have imagined.” [00:05:31]
“It's a practice of expanding yourself to have a capacity to receive.” [00:04:10]
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