Why Your Brain Repeats Old Stories and How to Change the Pattern
- HeardinLondon
- Apr 16
- 12 min read
Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 178
There is a wild trick that our brain plays on us, and that is to convince us that when we loop in old thought patterns and we tell ourselves the same old story day in, day out, even when we know better that, it's some personal fault.
I coach so many people who think that their inability to match up what they know, what they politically believe, what they ethically and morally believe with the way that they talk to themselves is some personal flaw that they haven't quite got their head around yet.
And so rather than just looking at how to bridge this gap and make these things closer and how we could break some of these cycles and loops, what people do is they shame themselves about it, they criticise themselves about it brings on a whole load of shame, and I think that's a bit like pouring cement on top of your feelings.
This week we are looking at why we have thought loops and why we can't break our own patterns.
Most of us have this idea of thought loops, things that just keep coming up. These old stories, the conclusions that we have drawn from things that frankly are correlational rather than causation, or things that we have absorbed from society around us. They might be about our body image, they might be about our productivity. They might be about our relationships with other people, and they quite often revolve around our value in regards to how we are seen within a hierarchy of the world for which we are living through.
And we have these thoughts that repeat in our own brains, criticising ourselves, criticising the way that we're responding to things, telling ourselves that we're not getting things right and we're not doing things well enough. And we've told ourselves these things so often that , quite often we think that they're our story. And these loops go on and on. And no matter how far you go down the road, how much you learn, how much you try and untangle this stuff, sometimes these thoughts just keep popping up.
And, I'm here to let you know that the reason why they pop up is because it's a very well-worn groove in your brain. Your brain loves to find a quick solution for things, and this comes back to like old programming and old survival mechanisms. When we didn't know where our next energy source would be coming from.
We didn't know where we were gonna find food. We didn't know how we were gonna survive. So your brain's designed to try and conserve as much energy as possible, and if it can find a little shortcut, it's gonna find that shortcut.
And so these old stories are like your brain going, "I know what's happening there.
We've done this before. Here we are obviously you're a problem."
That's what happens for quite a lot of us.
And even though we can try and slam on a hand break when we've got these thought loops going because we happen to have read a new book or seen a really good meme that explains all of our brain problems for us, or someone says something in a conversation that really feels like a penny drop moment.
When we go back to those old patterns, we can then start criticising ourselves and telling ourselves that we should know better. We're obviously not learning anything, and so we are not making any progress.
The reality is that each time we try and think of things in another way, each time we are anything other than vicious to ourselves, each time we try and create a new pathway to a different response to some of these stimulus that come up for us in our everyday environments that we have been used to criticising ourselves about... every time we have a different response, it makes it slightly more likely that in future you can also have a different response.
Every time you are more kind to yourself, it makes it more likely that you can be more kind to yourself in the future.
Your brain is developing some sense of familiarity that you not being really horrible could also be an option.
And so even though it may feel like some of these stories repeat and come up, even though you "should" know better, the reality is that every time you can force an interrupt, you are starting to write a different pattern, you're starting to create a different response, and each time you do that is really valuable.
And it can be really hard, because sometimes it does feel like we're going in reverse. Sometimes it feels like we're not making any progress at all, and this is just a normal human response because we want to get away from the horrible feelings of discomfort that that we are experiencing, but also this is a real sneaky way that your brain has of going, oh, it's not worth it.
Let's go back to the easy thing again, because that again, conserves energy. It's very logical the stuff that's going on here, and I want to plant this seed this week that this is not some kind of personal failing, and you could do yourself a favour by reminding yourself of that.
This is your brain simply trying to keep you safe. It's simply trying to keep you alive, and it thinks that the way to do that is to do things in the quickest, fastest route possible. Just so happens that that quickest, fastest route possible, for many of us, involves quite a lot of self criticism. And it doesn't have to be that.
The more you access ways that speak to yourself with more kindness, more compassion, more generosity, the more you are able to build self-trust as your default.
You don't have to brute force your way into compassion. Not something I'd recommend. But giving yourself gentle praise for every time you're not feeling completely awful about yourself, or you speak to yourself with some level of gentle praise, really does emphasise the dopamine reward to your brain that this stuff's worth it, because it's not always easy, we know that.
Maybe sometimes making progress, being more kind to yourself, working towards speaking to yourself with the kind of love and kindness that you would wish for those around you, maybe sometimes that does look like circling, but maybe that's okay.
Working out ways that you don't have to criticise yourself, the way that you're behaving, is the way to try and make more kindness, more accessible to you more of the time, which is something that I would really recommend.
If you want to learn how to stop being quite so much of an asshole yourself the whole time, it's what I'm exceptional at showing people the root map to. Over at www.SelfCareSchool.co.uk. We have really useful courses that teach you how to untangle this stuff in your own brain that you can use in everyday circumstances. There are resources in the show notes and there's also a link to be able to book a free 15 minute coaching call with me, if you have something you just want a little bit of an extra angle on that you can't quite see your way through, hop on a free call with me and we'll try and map our way there.
I promise that it is possible for you to break some of these old stories. All you need to do is just begin one step at a time.
If you'd like to make that journey a little bit faster, do pop over to www.SelfCareSchool.co uk and I look forward to speaking to you next week.
Breaking the Cycle: How to Overcome Thought Loops, Self-Criticism and Build Self-Compassion
Have you ever found yourself stuck in a cycle of negative self-talk, repeating the same old story in your head and wondering why it won’t go away, even when you know better? You’re not alone. On this week’s episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon delves into the surprisingly predictable ways our minds hold onto thought loops, how they convince us that our struggles are personal failings, and why self-compassion might just be the secret handbrake turn that helps us break free.
Why Thought Loops Feel So Inescapable
Many of us carry deeply rooted thought patterns – stories about our worth, our productivity, our relationships – that seem immune to all the learning and progress we make. Whether it’s internalised beliefs about body image, how we’re “meant” to perform at work, or how we fit into the unspoken hierarchy of the world, these thoughts can loop endlessly, making us feel stuck and even ashamed for not making “enough” progress.
As HiLy shared, this constant mental critique is often experienced as a deeply personal flaw. But the truth is far less harsh. It’s not that you’re failing; your brain is just exceptionally good at conserving energy by running along well-worn grooves, a throwback to ancient survival mechanisms. If your mind can find a shortcut – even a negative one – it will take it, repeating stories based more on past correlations than current reality.
The Science-y Bit – Comfort in Familiarity
If you’ve ever wondered, “Why do I keep repeating the same unhelpful thoughts?” the answer lies in brain wiring. Our minds, as HeardinLondon explains, are optimised for efficiency, not happiness. Old beliefs get recycled not because they’re true, but because they’re familiar – your brain’s shortcut to “safety.” When we encounter something that feels emotionally charged, the brain thinks, “I know this problem,” and defaults to existing scripts, even if they make us feel rubbish.
And when we finally try to change – perhaps after a penny-drop moment or reading a particularly good meme about self-acceptance – the brain slams on the metaphorical brakes. Instead of giving ourselves credit for every small win, we often spiral into more self-criticism, scolding ourselves for not being able to break through the loop entirely.
Handbrake Turns and the Power of Small Shifts
Here’s the good news: every time you interrupt an old pattern, even in the smallest way – by responding with kindness, choosing not to punish yourself for a perceived setback, or just pausing before following a negative script – you are making progress. It may not look linear; it may feel like going in circles or sometimes even reversing. But small acts of self-compassion are what start to rewrite those old, deep-seated narratives.
As HiLy puts it, “Every time you are more kind to yourself, it makes it more likely that you can be more kind to yourself in the future.” With each gentle interruption, your brain learns that not being harsh with yourself is an option, and this familiarity grows with practice.
It’s Not a Personal Failing – It’s Your Brain Trying to Protect You
This is perhaps one of the most freeing insights from the episode. Getting stuck in thought loops doesn’t mean you’re lazy, undisciplined, or flawed. Your mind is simply trying to keep you safe, using the quickest solution it knows – even if that involves critical or unkind self-talk. The trick is to notice these default patterns without layering on more shame. After all, shaming yourself is like “pouring cement on top of your feelings,” making movement even harder.
Practical Ways to Break Free from Negative Thought Cycles
Wanting to escape the loop of self-criticism is the first step. Progress isn’t about brute-forcing your way to self-compassion. Far from it. Instead, it’s about praising yourself for small wins, noticing the moments when you interrupt old patterns, and building self-trust incrementally. The more you reward gentle self-talk, the more your brain marks compassion as rewarding and worth repeating.
So, what does this look like in everyday life? It’s simple actions. Giving yourself credit for trying, pausing to reflect before spiralling into blame, or even seeking out resources designed to help untangle these ingrained patterns. If you’d like some professional guidance, HiLy recommends exploring options like Self Care School, where practical tools are available to help you make these mental habit changes stick.
Building a More Compassionate Inner Voice
Ultimately, learning to break thought loops and lessen self-judgement isn’t about becoming someone else overnight. It’s about acknowledging that sometimes progress looks like going in circles and that’s okay. What matters is how you talk to yourself when you notice these loops. Working out ways not to criticise yourself for very human responses is the key to making self-kindness more accessible – and that, as HeardinLondon says, is worth actively cultivating.
One step at a time is all it takes. If you’d like help mapping out your journey or just want a fresh perspective, don’t hesitate to reach out for a free coaching call at Self Care School. Because while thought loops can be relentless, they’re not unbreakable – and a little self-compassion can go a long way towards writing a new story, one gentle thought at a time.
Feeling stuck in a negative spiral? Wondering how to stop negative self-talk? Explore resources and support at www.SelfCareSchool.co.uk and remember: the path to lasting self-acceptance begins with the smallest act of kindness towards yourself.
How can I stop getting stuck in negative thought loops?
It’s totally normal to replay old patterns, even if you “know better.” The brain likes shortcuts, which often means falling into familiar self-criticism. With practice and kindness, you can gradually form more supportive mental habits. Progress may feel slow, but change is about gentle repetition, not overnight transformation.
The episode explains how you’re not alone in thinking the same critical thoughts again and again. HeardinLondon highlights that shaming yourself only makes the loop stickier, while interrupting it—even once—helps build new, brain-friendly pathways for self-talk.
Quick Summary: 5 Key Takeaways
Thought loops are natural: The brain favors well-worn mental paths—even if unhelpful—to save energy.
Self-criticism isn’t a personal flaw: It’s a default setting, not a reflection of your worth or intelligence.
Small interruptions drive change: Every kind self-thought makes future self-kindness easier.
Progress feels circular: Moving forward often means revisiting old patterns, and that’s okay.
Gentle praise builds new habits: Self-compassion is not brute-forced but cultivated step by step.
Frequently Asked Listener Questions
Why do I keep repeating negative thoughts when I know they’re untrue?
Even when you know better, your brain sticks with familiar thinking patterns because they’re energy-efficient shortcuts. It’s not a sign of failure—it’s your brain’s way of trying to keep you safe and optimized, as HeardinLondon explains.
Expanded:Our brains evolved to find the quickest way to predict and react, reusing the paths we’ve carved—even negative ones. The more often a self-critical thought is repeated, the deeper the groove becomes, making it the “default mode” during stress or uncertainty.
How do I break my repetitive thought cycles?
You break thought loops by gently interrupting them and practicing self-kindness, even in tiny steps. Each compassionate response helps you build a more positive mental “groove” for the future.
Expanded:As HeardinLondon shares, the goal isn’t immediate transformation. Even one new reaction is progress. Be patient—repetition, not willpower, shifts your automatic thoughts over time.
What if I feel like I’m going in reverse or not making progress?
Feeling stuck is a normal part of change. As HeardinLondon notes, making new habits sometimes feels like circling back, but each attempt at change makes future change easier—even when it doesn’t “feel” productive.
Expanded:Your brain resists change because it wants to keep you safe and save energy. This isn’t failure; it’s the natural tension between familiar discomfort and new possibilities.
How do I start being kinder to myself?
Start by noticing when you’re self-critical, and gently add self-praise, even if it feels awkward. Reward every small effort at compassion—even noticing that you’re being hard on yourself is a win.
Expanded:You don’t have to “brute force” compassion; micro-moments of self-kindness teach your brain to trust this new habit. Consistency, not perfection, is what matters.
Why does my brain prefer to criticise me?
The brain’s priority is survival and efficiency, not happiness. Old, self-critical thoughts are like quick shortcuts, saving energy—even if they don’t serve you emotionally.
Expanded:As HiLy explains, our brains evolved to prioritize fast, familiar responses, especially under stress—so self-criticism can get “stuck” as a default setting.
How can I tell if I’m making any progress in changing my thinking?
If you notice yourself pausing, responding differently, or even questioning your old pattern, that’s progress. Every small choice not to be harsh with yourself changes your brain over time.
Expanded:Repeat interruptions, even if infrequent, shift your inner dialogue over the long haul. Progress is about gentle persistence, not dramatic change.
Are thought loops a sign something is wrong with me?
Absolutely not. As HiLy states, thought loops are a universal brain trick, not a personal fault. They’re formed by your brain’s design—not moral failure or lack of willpower.
Expanded:Recognize this as a shared human experience. You’re not broken or alone; you’re working with an energy-saving brain.
What role does shame play in thought loops?
Shame locks self-criticism in place, making thought loops more rigid—like “pouring cement” on hard feelings (HeardinLondon). Breaking the shame-thought loop helps loosen the cycle.
Expanded:Reducing self-judgment and shame gives your brain permission to try new responses, breaking the old patterns.
Can positive reinforcement really change my thinking?
Yes, rewarding even tiny shifts with gentle praise signals your brain that new, kind responses are valuable—making them more likely to stick.
Expanded:Celebrate effort, not outcome. Over time, your brain learns that self-compassion leads to reward (i.e., dopamine), not just criticism.
How do I build trust in myself after years of self-criticism?
Small, repeated acts of kindness build self-trust, showing your brain it’s safe to be gentle. HeardinLondon recommends persistent, small acts rather than waiting for one breakthrough.
Expanded:Just as you’d build trust with another person through consistency, do the same with yourself—even if you aren’t always perfect.
Is there a “right” way to interrupt thought loops?
There’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Try different tactics: pause and breathe, reframe, offer yourself praise, or simply notice the loop. The goal is to create a moment of choice.
Expanded:Experiment to see what’s effective and sustainable for you. The act of interruption—however it looks—is already success.
Where can I get more support or resources on changing thought patterns?
Check the show notes for HeardinLondon's recommended www.SelfCareSchool.co.uk resources, including practical courses and free coaching calls, designed to help you untangle persistent mental habits with expert guidance.
Expanded:Don’t navigate change solo—community and coaching can offer new perspectives and accountability.
Actionable Steps to Interrupt Thought Loops
Name the thought: Notice when an old pattern appears—no judgment.
Pause and interrupt: Take one deep breath or redirect your attention.
Practice small self-kindness: Affirm yourself, even in small ways.
Reward effort: Celebrate every moment you diverge from self-criticism.
Seek support if needed: Use resources or coaching for tough, persistent loops.
Key Quotes for Sharing
“It is not a personal flaw if you can’t match what you know with how you talk to yourself.”
“Thought loops are just your brain finding the shortcut—it doesn’t mean you’re broken.”
“Every time you are anything other than vicious to yourself, you make future kindness more likely.”
“Shame about thought loops is like pouring cement on your feelings.”
“Progress often feels circular, but each small change matters.”
“Self-compassion isn’t brute-forced—gentle praise is the secret.”
“Your brain’s only trying to keep you safe, not sabotage you.”
“Building self-trust happens step by step, not all at once.”
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