It’s All Going to go Wrong

Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 129

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One of the hardest things about starting something new is the idea that it's all going to go wrong. And that can be something that stops us from making big dreams and fulfilling big goals or just trying something that we've always wanted to do if it's not something that we've done before.

We worry about what's going to happen in the future because we worry that we're going to tell ourselves that we're not good enough if a mistake happens, or that we're not going to be able to complete the task, or that if we don't meet the milestone that we've set for ourselves for it, we're going to tell ourselves that this really wasn't worth the effort in the first place. And why didn't we believe all of those terrible things that we told ourselves and that we shouldn't have tried in the first place?

I think what we're really worried about is that we're not going to be able to handle a concept of failure. And this prevents us taking first actions, first steps on so many things.

I invite you to just pause in this moment and think about some of the things that I just said there. That none of the reasons why we are worried about something not working out are because of the thing itself not working out. It's actually because we're really worried about what we're going to say to ourselves and the way that we're going to talk to ourselves.

We also are presuming that something may not work out from the place that we are right now in this moment where we haven't done the thing, and where we haven't tried, and where we haven't experimented, messed up, got ourselves back up, dusted ourselves off, and tried again. We're looking at it from a position of not having tried yet, not having started the thing. Whereas in truth, future us is going to have a whole load new ideas, a whole load of new possibilities and potentials as to how things can be managed when we do try something new.

I don't know about you, but I definitely can rarely think of a time where I started out on a new venture, where I presumed that I would know how I was going to manage or deal with it all going terribly wrong. But actually, when I did make mistakes, the version of me that needed to deal with it going wrong always showed up. There's always some way of getting through it, and that could be from failing a driving test to embarking on a relationship that doesn't turn out into a forever thing. And that's what you've defined as a marker of success, or maybe it is putting in an application for something and getting rejected... If I start from that place of thinking, how will I handle it if it all goes wrong? I'm doing it from a place of not having tried yet, Whereas actually there is something in the trying itself that gives me some new essence of knowledge and a whole load of life experience in between, however long or short, that means that when the notification or the news arrives that the thing that I had been wishing for hasn't unfolded, it's that version of me that has new resources to be able to pull out and deal with it.

We're worried when things go wrong about how we're going to treat ourselves if things don't go exactly according to plan. And we can navigate around this by presuming that things are going to go wrong and they're going to go wrong regularly, because that's what trying new things is all about. It's very, very rare that we try something and zip our way to the finish line with no stumbling along the way.

So next time that you want to try something that you haven't tried before, or you want to reach to something that you've never achieved in your life before, or you just want to stretch yourself a little bit out of your comfort zone, I'd advise trying maybe to presume that things are going to go wrong. If you only try things when you think you're going to get them right, it's actually preventing you from taking that first step at all.

If you embark on it knowing that there are going to be mistakes along the way, and there's a fair old chance that whatever happens, there may be a chance that you might not get it. You get to spend a little bit of time consciously choosing that no matter what happens, you're going to have your own back. You're not going to beat yourself up about it. You're going to speak to yourself with kindness. If you put that into the planning, into the rehearsal and the brainstorming of how this whole project is going to unfold, the chances are that you're going to cut yourself a lot more grace if things don't work out entirely according to plan.

I want you to embark on the idea that maybe possibly that idea of treating yourself with kindness, no matter what happens, is the way that we can reach higher, vaster, further dreams and aspirations than anything we could ever possibly dream of, because it means that we're willing to try. And when you know that you've got your own back. There's a whole load of new life, new visions and new dreams that you are willing to dabble in.

I'm wishing you a wonderful week and I'll speak to you next week.