Train Your Brain to Feel Better

Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 136

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This week I wanted to talk a little bit about why affirmations don't work and teach you something that does. And that is, rather than trying to move yourself through to this impossible kind of goal that you don't actually believe could be possible for your life, my aim and the way that I use the work is to try and reverse engineer things a little bit and do things in the tiniest, tiniest incremental steps.

One way I do this is to follow along for the ride, if you'd like to join in. This is a workshop-your-way-through version of the podcast. Try to find a thought that's bugging you or something that's going on for you, and just try to identify. It's probably easiest if you focus in on something that you think about yourself or something that you think you can do or can't do that's going on for you. Try to keep out of other people's stories for a moment. Generally in life, always good to try and keep out other people's stories, but try and keep out of other people's stories for this bit and just try and focus it in on yourself and find, find a thought that's bugging you and then try and work out what that thought is making you feel and then flip that and reverse it: What would you rather be feeling in these circumstances? What would you rather feel emotionally about what's going on in this, in this particular moment, with this particular thing? And if you were feeling that thing, what would you need to be thinking?

So once you've kind of identified the thought that you started with, the one that is you're not enjoying the repercussions of, and then you've got the other side of it, which is the thought that you'd love to have, which would generate an emotion that you actually want. You can kind of polarise these two thoughts and try to make some incremental steps between them. My teacher taught me a technique called the Thought Ladder. And I know there are other versions of it available. The way that I do it is to get a blank piece of paper, and I put the thought that I'm not enjoying very much at the bottom, and I put the thought that I want to get to at the top. And I try and make as many little incremental steps as I can to try and get there. And they have to be absolutely tiny, so tiny that hopefully your brain won't notice the shift that we're trying to create over time.

So, for example, rather than talking through this in just a theoretical sense, I thought I'd sort of talk you through an example. And I was thinking about a common thought that I coach people on quite often, which is, I'm never going to get this thing done. Now, when you think I'm never going to get this thing done, most people don't enjoy feeling that. They probably feel a bit frustrated, or maybe they feel a bit overwhelmed, or maybe they feel a little bit stuck. These kind of emotions are not emotions. They're going to evoke actions that are going to get that thing done any more quickly. So just looking at what I might want to be feeling instead is maybe accomplished or peaceful or satisfied or confident. Any of these kinds of feelings might be something that's going to motivate me towards more action or get me into a place where I'm way more likely to take action that is in my best interests.

Now, if I were to be feeling confident, what kind of thing might I be thinking? Well, I might be thinking something like, I did the best I could with the time that I had. So these two thoughts seem really far apart, like, I'm never going to get it done. And I did the best that I could with the time that I had. But if we were to sort of plot them out on a map, on a piece of paper and try and work our way between them, perhaps I could, with I'm never going to get this done. And then I can add in the prefix of just noticing that that's a thought. So I'm thinking that I'm never going to get this done. And that gets us into watcher mode, takes us out of the pure heat of the emotion and being fully reactive.

And then maybe I could think, I'd like to try and get this done, which is equally true. There's not much resistance to that. And I think my brain could access that quite easily. And then maybe I could sort of tiptoe up to the thought. I'm willing to make an effort to try and get this done. Or maybe I could say something like, I'm willing to make a start. So rather than sitting there procrastinating, I'm willing to actually begin the thing. And then from there, once I've actually begun the thing, it's not that far much of a leap to go: I'm doing the best that I can. Once I'm actually on the. Once the momentum has been started and we're on a roll, that's something that I can probably quite easily stretch to, like I'm doing what I can in this moment.

And so from there, obviously, it is not much of a leap to go to. I'm working on it. I am in the thick of trying to get the stuff done, and then if I am working on it, it isn't so much of a huge leap to go to a thought like at least I've produced something, at least I've begun, at least I've started. And from there, it isn't much of a leap to get to I did the best I could with the time that I have.

So, making these tiny, tiny small steps, these things that seem really, really different can actually be mapped really, really quickly in these tiny little tiptoe steps. And the way that we learn and practice and rehearse these new thoughts is to be able to recite them, write them down on a piece of paper. I have been known to use the phrase the post-it notes are tools of the revolution, tapping your feet to it in the shower, however, you could get something that is really reinforced.

This is the lightest sort of light-touch version I could give you of how you can make things, the idea of what seems like affirmations actually work for you in a really constructive way. This is something that I teach in, in depth at www.SelfCareSchool.co.uk and really teach people how to identify where they want to be and how they can map their way through to the journey. That's what coaching is all about for me and this is something I teach people to be able to do for themselves in their daily lives. If you'd like to know that, I'm sure you know where to find us by now, but it's selfcare school.co.uk and if you'd like a hand with anything like this or you'd like an idea as to how to get your own thought ladder going, do drop me an email, let me know.

Inside www.SelfCareSchool.co.uk we actually have a magical robot that I wrote and it's very much in my voice on how to sort of get these, these thought ladders started. So you can start from a thought that you are not enjoying very much and get yourself to a place something is driving the kind of results and actions that you want in your life.

And then all the steps in between can be prompted by frankly anti-capitalist militant feminist thoughts that are embedded in your own self-compassion, and I'll help you get there. So if that's your vibe, come on over to www.SelfCareSchool.co.uk I'd love to see you inside.

I'll speak to you next week.