Losing Weight Won’t Magically Fix How You Feel About Yourself

Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 143

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There's a sly little sneaky thought that I think most of us fall into the trap of, even if it doesn't align with our politics. And that's the idea that if we lose weight, we're going to feel better about ourselves, or if we look younger, or if our bits of our body don't jiggle in any particular way.

And sometimes this can be hidden under thoughts like "If I was more fit, then I wouldn't feel this particular thought about myself". And that kind of overlooks the fact that the way that you feel about yourself is not down to external circumstances. The way that you feel about yourself is down to your thoughts. And if you don't look at how you talk to yourself and manage the way that you speak to the body that you walk around in, that you live this life in, then you're going to be taking the same kind of criticism, the same kind of dark dialogue, and the same kind of viciousness, into whatever changes and transformation that your body has.

Our physical attributes can change, and we can still feel the same thing because our thoughts are still coming from the same place and the same belief system. This is why changing our appearance doesn't guarantee changing how we feel at all. In fact, it's very unlikely to. What we need to do is look at some of the stories that we tell ourselves. The stories about what kind of space we take up in the world, how we move throughout the world, and the kind of tone of voice and these frequent phrases that we use against ourselves and the bodies that we live in, and how we use these old stories to back up political narratives that don't necessarily align with who we want to be or the kind of world that we want to be creating.

There is a massive difference between body image and body thoughts. And the way that we speak to ourselves in the mirror often amplifies the kind of things that we're trying to undermine in wider society.

This is why it's really important to do this kind of work and notice where these sneaky little thoughts are still gurgling away under the way that we speak to ourselves when we happen to catch ourselves in the reflection of a shop window. Or maybe some of our clothes feel a bit more tight than they used to be; Notice the kind of tone of voice and the sort of things that we're saying to ourselves. And we don't have to chastise ourselves for saying them. We can just notice them and go, "Oh, yeah, there's that thing that I've always been taught and a Lot of people tell me about the way that bodies should behave, but actually I want to live in a world where all bodies feel welcome and safe. And so I'm not going to take that voice as the truth or take that voice as the only possibility. I'm going to pause in this moment and go, 'I don't want to believe that'."

Even if it is something that you are telling yourself you do believe, just putting that sort of break, fire break in there, "I don't want to believe that". "I don't want to be speaking to myself in this kind of way."

Because learning to shift our internal dialogue matters more than any external change. This is the one thing that is going to enable you to feel safer in the skin that you're in.

Taking time to be more kind to yourself infinitely adds to more kindness in the world. And God knows that that's something that we need right now.

We take the same brain with us wherever we are, whatever body we're in. And so we also take the same level of ableism, ageism, sexism, fatphobia, all of these kind of things that most of us spend quite a lot of time trying to call out and trying to dismantle in other areas of our lives. And so it's really important that we begin on our doorstep with just noticing where these stories have seeped under our own skin and we are amplifying and perpetuating them with the way that we speak to ourselves.

It is a matter of practice learning how to speak to ourselves with more kindness. And it's also something that's very possible. It just involves putting these fire breaks in place, practicing, rehearsing and slowly, slowly allowing the kindness to seep in. Over at www.SelfCareSchool.co.uk there are quite a few body image courses, there's some confidence courses and some perfectionism courses. It all comes with a membership. You get access to over 30 courses and some weekly group coaching.

And if you'd like to work on this on a one to one level, if you think that the stuff that I'm talking is all very lovely in theory, but actually you need to take the work a little bit deeper, drop me an email and I'd love to support you to feel more safe and more confident in your body because I believe that the more of us who feel welcome, the more we are able to create spaces in the world where more people feel more welcome.

I look forward to speaking to you next week and to please do reach out if I can be of more support.

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