Choosing on Purpose: Aligning Your Decisions with Values

Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 152

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So what do I choose on purpose? What I mean by this is quite often we can get distracted by all kinds of decisions, thinking there's a right answer and a wrong answer. And actually, what I have decided, the older that I've gotten, is to ensure that the decisions that I make align with my values and align with my morals and my ethics and who I want to be in the world.

So it becomes less a case of what is the right decision and what is the wrong decision, and more a case of: Who do I want to be here? Who do I want to be the other side of this decision? What unfolds for me no matter what route I take and how am I gonna speak to myself either side of it?

And that is basically the difference between running on autopilot and making conscious choices. It is about making decisions that align with our values and checking in with our bodies before we make any kind of decision. Sounds really airy fairy, I'm aware of that, but actually if you pause, take a beat, take a breath.

When you get to that "I don't know what the answer is," I'd be betting at least 11 to 1 that you probably do. You probably do have an idea as to what the right answer is. If you were told that you could never have your favourite thing ever again if you didn't make a decision in the next three seconds, chances are that you could make a split-second decision just like that.

We have deep seated knowledge that quite often we don't tap into because we are worried about how we're gonna speak to ourselves the other side of things.

And we decided to not let our brain run away from us and lead the entire thing. We can step back to ourselves, step back to who we want to be, and just have a little check in from a place of where we're standing now and a place of where we wanna be in the future. Looking back at this, get a whole 360, try and have a look around.

This is the way that I make decisions very intentionally and quickly and decide to take that first step.

I was once given the piece of advice that we need to do is take the first step and then the universe will come along and it'll either, if you're on the right path, it'll guide you along, and if you're on the wrong path, you'll be kicked off it real quick.

And I think sometimes we think that making decisions can be very big grand gestures and proclamations, but actually, it's this initial decision of making these tiny steps to align things with who you want to be. That is going to enable all of those bigger decisions to become a lot easier.

So rather than thinking about whether it is the right decision or the wrong decision on which way you're gonna turn, next time something tricky comes up for you, just ask yourself: is this choice aligned with who I want to be? Which way would you step? Then I'm sure the answer is gonna become a lot clearer.

Over at www.SelfCareSchool.co.uk, we have a "How to Make Decisions Easily and Without Regret" course. It's all part of the bundle that you get when you join the membership as well as weekly group coaching if that's something that you feel like you could do with some support on.

We're right over there waiting for you. If not, I look forward to speaking to you next week. Well both ways, I look forward to speaking to you next week.

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How to Make Better Decisions: A Values-Based Approach to Decision Making

Making decisions can feel overwhelming, especially when you're stuck between what feels like "right" and "wrong" choices. But what if the real question isn't about finding the perfect answer, but about aligning your decisions with who you want to be?

The Problem with Right vs Wrong Decision Making

Most of us approach decision making like there's a secret formula - some mystical "right" choice that will lead to the best outcome. We get frozen by analysis, weighing pros and cons until we're more confused than when we started.

This traditional approach to decision making keeps us stuck because it assumes there's an objectively correct path forward. In reality, most decisions aren't about right or wrong - they're about alignment.

Values-Based Decision Making: A Better Framework

Instead of asking "What's the right decision?" try asking:

• Who do I want to be in this situation?

• What kind of person do I want to be on the other side of this choice?

• How will I speak to myself regardless of the outcome?

• Which option aligns with my core values and ethics?

This shift from outcome-focused to identity-focused decision making changes everything.

When your choices align with your values, you can trust yourself regardless of how things unfold.

The Body Knows: Trusting Your Inner Wisdom

Here's what most decision making advice misses: you already know what you want to do. Your body holds wisdom that your overthinking mind often drowns out.

When you're truly stuck, try this simple exercise:

1. Pause and take three deep breaths

2. Check in with your body - what feels expansive vs contracted?

3. Imagine you had to decide in three seconds - what would you choose?

That split-second response? That's your inner wisdom talking, before your brain has time to complicate things with "what ifs" and worst-case scenarios.

The Real Reason We Avoid Making Decisions

Decision paralysis isn't usually about not knowing what we want. It's about fear - specifically, fear of how we'll treat ourselves if things don't go perfectly.

We avoid choosing because we're terrified of our own inner critic. We'd rather stay stuck than risk making a "wrong" choice and having to deal with our self-judgment.

This is why values-based decision making is so powerful. When you're aligned with who you want to be, you can trust yourself to handle whatever unfolds with self-compassion.

Conscious Choice vs Autopilot Living

The difference between running on autopilot and making conscious choices isn't about perfect outcomes - it's about intentionality.

Autopilot living means:

• Making decisions based on fear or external pressure

• Choosing what you think you "should" do

• Avoiding choices altogether and letting circumstances decide

• Speaking harshly to yourself when things don't go as planned

  
  

Conscious decision making means:

• Checking in with your values before choosing

• Taking responsibility for your choices without self-attack

• Understanding that "wrong" decisions are just information

• Trusting yourself to navigate whatever unfolds

  
  

How to Make Decisions Quickly and Confidently

Step 1: Get clear on your values. What matters most to you? What kind of person do you want to be? Write these down - they're your decision making compass.

Step 2: Practice the pause. Before making any significant choice, take a breath. This simple act interrupts autopilot and creates space for conscious choice.

Step 3: Check for alignment. Ask yourself: "Does this choice align with who I want to be?" Notice what your body tells you.

Step 4: Choose and commit. Make your decision from a place of alignment, not perfection. Trust that you can handle whatever unfolds.

Step 5: Practice self-compassion. However things turn out, speak to yourself with kindness. This builds trust in your decision making ability over time.

The Small Steps That Create Big Changes

You don't need grand gestures to change your life. Small, values-aligned choices compound over time.

Every time you choose alignment over approval, authenticity over people-pleasing, or self-compassion over self-criticism, you're building the muscle of conscious choice.

These tiny decisions to align with who you want to be make the bigger life decisions much clearer. When you trust yourself with small choices, you'll trust yourself with big ones too.

When Decision Making Still Feels Hard

If you're still struggling with decision paralysis, remember: the goal isn't perfect choices, it's authentic ones. You don't need to know how everything will unfold - you just need to know who you want to be along the way.

Sometimes the "wrong" path teaches us exactly what we need to know. Sometimes the detour becomes the destination. When you're aligned with your values, every choice becomes workable.

Moving Forward with Purpose

The next time you're facing a difficult decision, step back and ask yourself: "Which choice aligns with who I want to be?"

Trust that you already know more than you think you do. Trust your body's wisdom. Trust that you can handle whatever unfolds when you're making choices from a place of alignment rather than fear.

This is what it means to choose on purpose - not to choose perfectly, but to choose consciously, with intention and self-compassion.

Your values are your compass. Trust them to guide you forward, one aligned choice at a time.

Want more support with decision making? Join us at SelfCareSchool.co.uk for our "How to Make Decisions Easily and Without Regret" course, plus weekly group coaching calls where we practice these tools together.