What to do when you cannot decide what to do

Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 33

Listen Here

What to Do When You Can’t Decide What to Do:

Wisdom from “Spam Filter for Your Brain”

We’ve all been there: frozen in the face of a tough decision, stuck in analysis paralysis, and second-guessing every possible outcome. But what if the secret to breaking free was much simpler than we thought? In Episode 33 of “Spam Filter for Your Brain,” we dive into the art of decision-making, self-kindness, and the real reason we find it so hard to just decide.

If you’re searching for practical, advice on “how to make a decision when you can’t decide”, “overcoming fear of making the wrong choice”, or “kind self-talk during decision making,” keep reading for powerful insights and actionable steps.

Why Is Making Decisions So Hard?

As discussed in the episode, the struggle to make decisions often comes from a fear of making the wrong choice. We spiral around the idea that life is full of right and wrong decisions, obsessing over what might happen if we make the wrong choice. But, as the host reminds us, “the decision that we don’t take never actually happens.” Our lives are shaped only by the choices and actions we do follow through on.

Key Point: There’s No Right or Wrong - Only The Choice You Make

Your mind craves certainty and safety, so you focus on the “right” answer. Yet, in reality, it’s your commitment and follow-through that matter most. The episode counters perfectionist thinking—reminding us that when we decide, act, and treat ourselves with respect, the outcome is never as scary as we feared.

How to Actually Decide What to Do: A Simple Life Hack

The most powerful takeaway from the podcast? Just decide. It sounds almost absurdly simple—and that’s the point. The key isn’t finding a decision that guarantees perfect outcomes, but learning how to support yourself, no matter which path you choose.

How To Stop Overthinking and Take Action

• Drop the search for a “perfect” decision: “We make things really complicated because we think that there's a right decision and a wrong decision.”

• Decide, and then act in alignment with your core values: Acting with integrity and kindness—toward others AND yourself—is what really shapes your experience.

• Commit to kind self-talk: If fear is driving your indecision, ask yourself: “What if you could make a clear decision that, no matter what happens, you're going to treat yourself respectfully and not say horrible things to yourself?”

  
  

If you’re looking for strategies for “making decisions aligned with core values,” or advice on “how to stop being mean to yourself after a mistake,” this episode is a goldmine.

The Secret Ingredient: Having Your Own Back

Why do we fear making decisions? Often, it’s not the outcome we’re afraid of, but how we’ll treat ourselves if things don’t go as planned. As the podcast reveals, we’re often our own harshest critics, and this self-criticism makes every choice feel riskier.

Actionable Self-Compassion Tips:

• Promise yourself kindness, no matter the outcome. What would you do differently if you knew you’d always respond to failure with empathy, not self-blame?

• Set a challenge: As the host dares us—ask, “What could be possible for me here if I wasn’t being such a complete ass to myself?”

• 
  

Next Steps: Practice Decision-Making Without Self-Judgment

Here’s how you can apply these lessons today, using actionable tips inspired by “Spam Filter for Your Brain”:

1. Identify a decision you’ve been avoiding.

2. List your core values. What matters most to you in this situation?

3. Make the decision. Remind yourself there’s no perfect answer, only what you choose.

4. Act with kindness and integrity. Hold yourself to a standard of respect for yourself and others.

5. Commit to gentle self-talk—no matter the outcome. You’re not allowed to berate yourself for the result.

6. 
   

Feeling stuck or overwhelmed by fear of failure? SelfCareSchool offers deeper dives into these practices. Or, set yourself a dare to try kinder decision-making today.

Why Choosing Kindness With Yourself Changes Everything

Let’s be honest: self-compassion isn’t just a buzzword - it’s transformational. When you treat yourself with respect, you release the pressure and fear that fuel indecision.

So next time you face a crossroads, remember: the “wrong” decision is a myth. What matters is how you carry yourself through whatever comes next - choose courage, choose action, and most importantly, choose kindness.

Transcript:

So here's a little life hack that I absolutely love and it is how to always feel like you are making the right decision. But more importantly, it's what to do when you don't know what to do. And the straightforward cure is that you decide. Now, that might sound like an incredibly simplistic thing to say. You might want to tell me all of the reasons why all of the things that you don't know about all of the tells, all of the pros and cons as to why you're unable to make any particular decision and why it doesn't seem as straightforward as you decide.

But the reason why we make things really complicated is because we think that there's a right decision and a wrong decision. And that doesn't account for the fact that the wrong decision or the decision we don't take never actually happens. It's only ever the thing that we follow through with, and the action that we take that exists in the world. And we can choose how we feel about that.

We can choose how we think about that. We can choose how we treat ourselves when that is the decision that we make. And once we have made a decision, if we follow through with actions that are aligned with our core values, who we want to be in the world, and how we want to show up in the world, we can make sure that no matter what the outcome is, as long as we are behaving respectfully and kindly to those around us. We are behaving respectfully and kindly to ourselves; we don't actually need to get worried about what the outcome of the situation is.

Because if you know that no matter what happens, you're always going to have your own back and look after yourself, there is no decision you could make where you're going to be really mean to yourself; then it takes the pressure off. The problem is very few of us are in that situation. We talk shit to ourselves so much every day and are so mean and horrible to ourselves on a regular basis and criticise ourselves so much that the fear of doing things wrong also comes along with a huge fear of how we're going to treat ourselves if we think that we've made a mistake.

What if you could park some of that? What if you could make a clear decision that in your decision-making process, in the thing that lies before you, no matter what happens, you're going to treat yourself respectfully, and you're not going to say horrible things to yourself? This is my challenge for you.

If you'd like to learn how to do that. That's what selfcareschool is for. Hopefully, you'll join us for one of the courses, and if not, maybe just set yourself a dare. What could be possible for me here if I wasn't being such a complete ass to myself? That is the game of a lifetime. I dare you to participate in, and I hope to one day see you on one of the courses. It'll be a super decision for you to make.

FREE Confidence Workbook