“Nothing Ever Works”: why most "self care" does not stick (PSA How to stop the Self-Abandonment Loop)
Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 201
One of the things that I think people secretly harbor as a reason why they wouldn't try coaching or frankly sign up for another course is this thought that they have, which is, "I don't want this to be another thing that doesn't work."
Most of the people who I speak to, most of the people who are around me, have tried quite a few things. You might have tried counseling, you might have tried some kinds of body work, you might have tried all kinds of different therapy in the past, and quite often we keep coming back to the same problems. And although this stuff can help, it doesn't necessarily solve the thing that you were hoping when you went to them in the first place.
And I believe that quite often we can tell ourselves that we're stuck going over the same things, when in fact it's more like a spiral than a loop. We think that we're just going back repeating the same patterns over and over again, but I think that the more we learn, the more skills we gain, the more different approaches, we start to revisit similar things, but we move through them quicker. And the more strings that we can have to our bow, the more things that we can try in different circumstances.
Now, what I think is different about the coaching work that I do, which is, quite frankly, the thing that I spent 20 years looking for, is that it encompasses the social aspect, our socialisation, the systems that we are surrounded by, rather than it being an abstract thought that is just lost in your head.
How I feel about myself is intrinsically linked to the messages that I received about women, about fat people, about disabled people. Everything around us that contributes to othering people of various of intersecting identities that I hold, and we all have different measures of this.
A lot of the therapies that I come across, they separate that angle out. It's all talking about what's going on in your head and the way that you talk about these particular things. And I think that unless we look at these two things as a united issue, Then we're never gonna be able to find a solution when we are having to go out there into the real world.
I'm not after solutions that are just with me and a notebook when I'm sat on my own. I need to find solutions when someone shouts at me on the street, or I see A wrong that I want to intervene in, or when I see someone being treated in a disrespectful manner. Or someone treats me in a disrespectful manner.
I want to be able to create spaces where we can navigate how we can deal with the way that we talk to ourselves about how we feel, and to be able to provide a wide toolkit so that not only can we support ourselves, but going forward, we can support other people in quite what are, quite frankly, quite turbulent political times.
I want more of us to be more resourced so we're not scared of our emotions, so there's enough of us to go around so That we can stand up against injustice, and that we can make sure that more people feel more safe, because my goodness, we need that right now.
I don't believe that self-care is selfish, and even if you have tried a lot of things in the past, hand on heart, this was the last thing that I needed.
I have... Still, always learning and gathering new things, but this methodology, as soon as I learnt it, I have tested it so robustly with everything. I use it in my everyday life. Every single difficulty that I come across, I run through the framework that I teach at www.SelfCareSchool.co.uk
And so my invitation to you this week is rather than, what if this is just one more thing that I don't get around to, I don't do, or it doesn't work?
What if this is the thing that changes everything? Because it absolutely was for me, and I think that everybody else in www.SelfCareSchool.co.uk might tell you a similar story.
I'll link to the page of testimonials where there's many, many, many voices and many words saying how transformational this work is for their lives, and I would love to be able to offer that to you too.
All of my work is on equitable pricing. There is a full wage fee if you can afford it. There is a concessions fee if you cannot afford it, and it's free for people who need that space available and don't have any spare funds at all.
All of the links are in the show notes. I would love to see you inside.
www.SelfCareSchool.co.uk is there waiting for you if you would like to change some of the things that feel like you're caught in a loop.
I'll speak to you next week
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