Scary Scarcity: Money, Time, and the Stories We Tell Ourselves

Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 169

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Something I've noticed on coaching calls is that often people's relationship with money, is the same as their relationship with time.

If these things are things that you struggle with in either areas of your life, this week's episode's gonna be one for you.

Quite often when I speak to people, we are talking about scarcity. There is one particular theme that they look at and it is normally time or money.

And I have noticed a theme that comes up repeatedly in many of the coaching calls that I do, is that whatever, we are talking about actually reflects in more than one area of their life.

And this week to just try and give you some prompts and some questions and maybe some thought reframes that might be useful for you.

Somewhere where this might show up as a time example for you, is that you might say yes to something that you don't really want to do, or you might say yes to something when you know that you don't have time for anything else, and yet someone makes that request of you and you say "Yes" nonetheless.

And you're gonna notice a through thread coming through some of these ideas.

But an example that it might come up, with money, is that you buy something that is essential for your needs, and then you give yourself a hell of a hard time for having done that. Or you might buy something just because you want to. But some of the, the shine and the glitter of the thing that you really wanted, is tainted by the way that you speak to yourself after you've got it. 

Or maybe that shows up in a work example. You undercharge for your work because you're worried about talking about money with other people and you're worried about beginning those conversations about how your time and your money are worth something to somebody else. 

And I invite you to think about where these scenarios play out for you.

 Where is your thought about time scarcity? About money scarcity? When you have these common thoughts, think about a scenario recently where this might have come up for you, and think about the thing that you were telling yourself about that story.

What is the thought that is causing you the most suffering? The most anxiety? The most amount of stress?

Just hang onto that. Lightly. If you are safe and able to do so, just for a couple of seconds.

Where does it show up in your body? Does it give you sweaty palms? Does it make your chest a bit tight? Does it make your jaw tighten? Where do you find that this story that you're telling yourself? The thought that is causing you the problems, where does this sit in your body?

Just taking that one second to stop and notice and seeing where it registers within you, clicks in a different part of your brain and it takes you out of the thought. That can quite easily spiral into dismay.

And I found with both time and money, there are a whole load of thoughts that seem to loop for many people and they show up in both areas.

They are thoughts like:

" I should be able to handle this". "Other people need this more than me". "I'm not allowed to take this".

"I'm not allowed to take up space". "Someone else deserves it more than me"."

"I'll deal with this later"

"if I close my eyes, this isn't actually happening."

"I shouldn't spend that on myself."

"I shouldn't take that time for myself. It belongs to somebody else."

"Other people deserve it , way more than I do".

"I'll just squeeze it in. I'll just fit this extra thing in."

And rounding it all off with: " it's fine, i'll deal with it."

I don't know if you can spot the pattern that runs through all of these thoughts, but if you were to stick a little skewer right through the middle of all of them, the thing that it comes down to is minimising your needs.

It's postponing your own self-care. It is shrinking any space that you might feel that you could take up or frankly that you deserve to take up, and minimizing your own needs in the hope that you're going to be able to do more things for other people, most likely, so that you can feel like you're a "good person".

And why do we wanna feel like "good people?" Because then we can stop saying some of the horrible things to ourselves that undermines so much of this stuff that steals our hope and our dreams.

The reason we do this stuff for other people, the reason that we try and micromanage their emotions is so that we can quieten down some of the noise of some of the really horrible things that we say to ourselves, that inner critic, which is constantly criticising your daily moves.

If you can do enough things for other people, we think that we can be able to tone down the volume on that.

 And so this week I just wanted to offer you a few reframes just to see if they might be useful for you, different thoughts that you could try on and see if they might ease some of that tightness and some of those feelings that you're feeling in your body. Take the ones that are useful for you and leave the rest.

I thought I would offer these as a little platter that you can collect things from which may be useful.

One of the things that I find most useful is a thought and an anchor is that time and money are not moral tests. They're resources, and you're allowed to use them any which way that you choose.

Try on the thought that my needs are not an inconvenience. Your needs are information.

Try on the thought. I'm allowed to make choices before there's a crisis. That one's a wild notion.

 One that can be really good at interrupting the pattern of internalised productivity culture is I don't need to justify why I need more time or more rest. Not to you and not to anybody else.

And one, which is really lovely to take into any areas of your life just to try on, sometimes it's gonna feel a bit uncomfortable and sometimes it's gonna feel a bit more expansive and that's, this isn't an indulgence, this is sustainability.

These sentences aren't meant to fix anything. They're just meant to give you a little bit of an awareness in your body and a little bit of ease from some of the background noise that we are incessantly talking to ourselves, telling ourselves that we're getting it wrong.

We're not trying to get to this brilliant goal of everything is light and rosy, and I am able to manifest my way to the perfect amount of time and money that I want. And honestly, if I had the cure, I would give you that magic wand.

But I find getting to these thoughts and identifying the things that create a little bit more ease in your days is a way to be able to attain neutrality, which feels like it isn't that much of a step forward. But actually it's everything.

Because if we can just get onto a level playing field, we can decide where we wanna go.

The thing is that if we have scarcity in our minds about money or about time, it's gonna show up in other areas of our life. It's gonna show up in our work life. It's gonna show up in our relationships. It's gonna show up in the way that we speak to our bodies. It's gonna show up in the way that we allow ourselves any kind of praise or congratulations for any of the progress that we are making. This feeling of scarcity is rooting down to this idea and this fear that maybe we are not good enough.

And the way that we treat ourselves in regards to time and the way that we treat ourselves in regards to money really emphasises some of the thoughts that we have going on in the background about the way that we feel about ourselves.

Learning some of these new thoughts and just expanding and practicing what you can do to take yourself out of being feeling really tight and trapped in some of these narratives can just allow ourselves a little bit more space to explore where we might be able to trust ourselves, where some of the things that have gone on in the past or the stories that we've told ourselves don't have to be the only narrative that we offer.

Because I've noticed when you treat your time as disposable, you quite often treat your money that way too. And you quite often treat yourself as disposable in relationships. You quite often treat those extra little bits of hours and time and offerings that you give to work as just not that important.

Quite often when you think that you have to earn rest, you also tell yourself that you have to earn financial safety as well. And you'll notice that these kind of goalposts, especially in regards to money, it's always a little bit more, it's not, if I got to this particular place, I would feel safe within myself and things would be easy. It's an ever changing horizon that you're always chasing, and that really is often replicated in things towards body image too. I always need to be a little bit thinner, a little bit younger, a little bit more attractive. It's worth chasing that goal, never actually reaching it.

And when you avoid looking at your calendar, when you cram as much stuff in there as possible, I'm guessing that you probably struggle to look at your bank balance too.

You might be someone who doesn't necessarily keep tabs on the bills that are coming in, the Ingo incomings and outgoings, and maybe you are someone who feels really obliged to try and pay for everybody's food and the restaurant without feeling like you can have a discussion about it.

These kind of things just mirror and replicate in different areas of our lives. And in www.selfcareschool.co.uk, this is where we try and notice that those seeds have been planted and where they're showing up in the different areas of our life and maybe holding us back from the kind of lives that we wanna be living and the people that we wanna be.

When you overgive your time, you underinvest in your own needs. You undervalue yourself, and by doing so, you also reflect to other people that is the way that they should treat you, but also in a way that you think it's okay to treat people. You just happen to be that person.

When you over give money, when you are overgenerous, when you are offering things to other people that you might not necessarily be able to afford, that is to try and avoid any kind of communication around money and that is never gonna serve you well.

Quite often what we label as generosity, that we label as kindness towards other people is actually quite simply discomfort in the fact that we are not willing to have any conversations about money and don't have the confidence to be able to have that experience and literacy to consider that our needs are also important.

All roads lead back to the same story: my needs come last. I'm not as important as other people. And if I do these things, if I give all of this stuff away, you might not notice that I'm not good enough.

 My humble opinion, to the person listening to this, so you're probably not bad with time, and you're probably not bad with money. It's just that you've been taught to deprioritise yourself -because most of us have.

And I wonder what might come up for you if you were to explore the thought that you are allowed to have enough. That you're allowed to want things. You're allowed to have needs. Where does that land in your body? Are you able to sit with that for a minute? Even if it feels uncomfortable?

So some questions to ask yourself this week:

• Where are you refusing to believe that you're allowed ease?

• What area of your life is it time? Is it money? Is it something else?

• Where do you apologise for the time that you take or the time that you want?

• Which part of you has been waiting for permission here?

• Where are you making yourself smaller to try and be more agreeable?

• And what would change if you believed that resourcing yourself wasn't selfish, but actually was the key to sustainability? 

Choose one sentence today that feels a little bit kinder than some of the narratives that you've been telling yourself. And just see where that feels and where that fits.

If this has been useful, there are a whole load of free resources and workbooks in the show notes underneath the podcast and on YouTube in the show notes there.

There are workbooks on perfectionism, on time management, on money mindset. There's loads of free resources that are available to you, and of course this is what we do on a group calls and www.SelfCareSchool.co.uk. So please do look at what is available and you can always drop me a message, And if you would like to do some one-to-one coaching on this, I would be more than happy to try and look at where we can expand the things that are available to you in your life without making it more pressured and without making it one more thing on your to-do list.

Let's look at what is already there and the ways that you speak to yourself about it and see how that could feel like it had more joy and more ease in it.

I look forward to speaking to you next week. 

Free Money Mindset Workbook

Your Relationship With Money Is the Same As Your Relationship With Time: Unlocking Ease and Abundance

Have you ever found yourself struggling with time management, always feeling like you're behind no matter how much you do? Or perhaps you've berated yourself over spending, convincing yourself you shouldn’t have bought that coffee or that treat? If any of this resonates, you’re not alone. In this week’s episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HiLy shines a gentle light on a quietly transformational truth: our relationship with time is intrinsically linked to our relationship with money. This blog post delves deeper into her insights, highlighting how scarcity thinking echoes across both these areas of life and sharing practical reframes that will help you cultivate much-needed ease and self-kindness.

Scarcity Mindset: The Hidden Thread in Money and Time

So many of us are caught up in a negative cycle of scarcity—constantly feeling like there’s never enough. Whether that’s never enough hours in the day or never enough money in the bank, this perceived lack isn’t just about resources: it’s about your feelings of self-worth. HeardinLondon shares in her coaching experience that when people speak about time scarcity, the same patterns often emerge around financial stress.

The common thread? Thoughts such as:

• "Other people need this more than me."

• "I shouldn't spend that on myself."

• "If I just squeeze it in, I'll be seen as a good person."

These beliefs loop again and again, making us feel like we need to justify every minute spent or penny invested in ourselves. This self-minimisation doesn’t just affect our diaries and wallets—it seeps into our relationships, our approach to self-care, and even our sense of achievement.

How Scarcity Shows Up In Everyday Life

If you’re someone who anxiously agrees to commitments you don’t have time for, or who undercharges for work because you dread money conversations, you’re not alone. The episode highlights how saying "yes" when your schedule is already bursting—and feeling guilty when you spend money on yourself—both stem from the same scarcity roots.

When you treat your time as disposable, you often treat your money—and yourself—the same way. Avoiding your calendar and bank balance? Over-giving to friends or at work? These behaviours mirror each other and are signs it’s time to examine underlying beliefs, rather than just surface habits.

Reframing Your Mindset: Prompts For Change

It’s easy to fall into patterns where your needs come last, but HeardinLondon offers up powerful, compassionate reframes to shift you from scarcity to sustainability:

• Time and money are not moral tests—just resources. You’re allowed to use them in whatever way works best for you.

• "My needs are not an inconvenience—they’re information." What are you telling yourself when you feel anxiety about taking space or spending money?

• You do not need to justify needing more rest, space, or financial security. Not to anyone, not even yourself.

Try asking yourself:

• Where are you refusing to believe you’re allowed ease—in your time, your finances, or elsewhere?

• Where do you apologise for wanting time or money?

• Which part of you has been waiting for permission?

Let these prompts sit gently in your mind as you consider how your relationship with money and time might transform if resourcing yourself became an act of self-respect rather than selfishness.

Self-Care Isn't Indulgence – It's Sustainability

Say it with us: This isn’t indulgence, this is sustainability. Nothing changes overnight, but choosing kinder narratives for yourself—just one sentence today that’s softer than what you’d usually say—can begin to quieten that inner critic. Neutrality is a powerful goal; from a level playing field, you can choose what ease and abundance look like for you.

If you’re ready to go further, don’t forget there are loads of free resources and workbooks linked in the podcast show notes: on perfectionism, time management, and building a healthy money mindset. Whether you want to explore these on your own, in a group, or in one-to-one coaching, it’s worth considering what might become possible when you stop making your own needs an afterthought.

Final Thoughts

Spam Filter for Your Brain is about helping you sift through the noise—especially the self-talk that tells you you’re somehow “bad” with time or money. HeardinLondon reminds us that most of us have simply been taught to deprioritise ourselves. What would shift in your life if you believed you’re allowed to have enough, to want things, and to meet your needs?

Take a moment today to pick a new self-kindness mantra and notice how it feels in your body. See if that story opens up a bit more possibility for joy and ease.

You’re not alone, and you’re allowed to want ease—in your schedule, your finances, and your daily life.

Looking for deeper guidance? Explore the free resources and workbooks in the show notes, or join a group call at www.SelfCareSchool.co.uk For tailored support, HeardinLondon is always happy to help you unpick these narratives in one-to-one coaching. Your relationship with time and money can be one of compassion and abundance—so start now by giving yourself permission.

Free Money Mindset Workbook

ces, workbooks, and coaching sessions are linked in the show notes. These cover perfectionism, time management, and money mindset transformation.

Expand:HeardinLondon offers tailored 1-on-1 coaching and invites listeners to join www.SelfCareSchool.co.uk group calls.

How do I break out of the cycle of overgiving and undervaluing myself?

Begin by noticing the stories you’ve inherited about worth, challenge them with new reframes, and prioritise your own needs without apology. Support and resources are available to guide you.

Expand: Amplifying the message: “What would change if you believed resourcing yourself wasn’t selfish but actually was the key to sustainability?”

What can I do if I feel uncomfortable prioritising my own needs?

Pause and sit with that discomfort for a moment. Choose one affirming thought and repeat it as you make choices for yourself. Remember—growth requires practising new beliefs, even if they’re initially uncomfortable.

Expand: HeardinLondon says: “Are you able to sit with that for a minute even if it feels uncomfortable? Choose one sentence today that feels a little bit kinder.”

Key Quotes

• “Time and money are not moral tests—they’re resources.” –

  HeardinLondon

• “My needs are not an inconvenience.” –

  HeardinLondon

• “What would change if you believed resourcing yourself wasn’t selfish but actually was the key to sustainability?” –

  HeardinLondon

• “Minimising your own needs postpones your self-care and shrinks your space.” –

  HeardinLondon

• “Learning new thoughts gives us space to trust ourselves.” –

  HeardinLondon

• “All roads lead back to the same story: My needs come last.” –

  HeardinLondon

Free Money Mindset Workbook